I miss my husband.

When my meltdown began, I really thought my blogging hiatus would last longer than a week. But I just don't have time to sit and feel sorry for myself. After a while I get sick of living with my own envy, and it takes too much energy to hate everything anyway.

I'd like to apologize if my last blog seemed harsh or if you were offended by my accusations. I know everyone has hard times in their life, and no one's circumstances fall exactly into place. But it sure seems that way to an outsider's eyes. I see couples strolling leisurely down the sidewalk, picking out dinner at the grocery store, and buying real furniture on a Saturday afternoon when they've never worked a day in their life. I can't remember the last time I lumped Friday, Saturday, and Sunday together into a "weekend." It drives my hatred even further when people say, "Have a great weekend!" The weekends mean nothing to us...

I've realized that Matt and I spent more time together when we were dating. Even in college when I worked eleven hour days I would stop by his house around nine and spend a couple hours with him. But now, by the time he strolls in at 11:30 I'm already in bed, so I can be up bright and early for the next day. There have been several occasions when we actually pass each other on the stairs. During the first part of the semester, he wasn't suppose to work Wednesdays or Sundays, but Wal-Mart doesn't give a crap about study groups or family time I guess.

Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a very independent person. I'm not like those wives that has to eat with their husband every night and can't fall asleep without him. No offense, that stuff just doesn't faze me. I lived on my own and alone for quite sometime before he came along. But I got married so I wouldn't HAVE to be alone anymore.

This semester is just crazy I guess. Matt's going to school and putting in the same amount of hours when he wasn't in school, and I've increased my hours at both jobs as well. So we have "all the money in the world" but no time.

I am completely happy with the 2 out of the 3 aspects of my life. I truly believe I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He's wonderful. He even helps me out around the house and never complains about the long hours he puts in. I adore my humble one bedroom abode. I think it's just perfect for the two of us. But for reasons I don't really want to share, I hate one of my jobs. So much I get depressed when I spend a full day there. I get even more depressed when I see or read about my peers who are doing just as well as us financially, if not better, who don't work, or only put in 10 -15 hours a week. I just don't understand how they do it. During my fits of jealous stewing I've gone over the math a hundred times and it never comes out right! I wish I knew their magical secrets. Because I hate my job and I miss my husband...

A few people have suggested that I just quit Wal-Mart since it doesn't make me happy anyway, but I know that's just not smart. I do envy those who have time to just do whatever they want all day, but I could never sit back and watch Matt bust himself to support my lazy butt. It would be different if I was in school too, or if we had children, but that is not the case. It's not fair for me too work only 10 hours a week at the gym while I could help out the family so much more. Besides, I could quit Wal-Mart, but that wouldn't free up my hubby's time, now would it? What fun are weekends if he's not around? Unfortunately, what you want isn't always right and what's right most of the time isn't what you want :P

Currently, I am trying to construct my own little "plan of happiness" that consists of coaching preschoolers, spending more time with my husband, and no Wal-Mart. But even if I come up with one, it can't go into effect until September. There may be a bit more complaining on here until then. Especially since they are already showing previews for new moon movie and I will have to brace myself for round two of the twi-tard tsunami.

But I think complaining is okay once in a while. We need a few thunderstorms to balance out all the sunshine rainbows and crap that floats around my blog circle ;)

Goodbye for now:

Until further notice I will not be blogging for a while. Nor will I be reading any other blogs. I'm tired of ranting my complaints here whilst reading about everyone else's peechy keen perfect lives.

When I decide to come out of virtual hibernation I will let you know.

This is why I'm not very competitive.

I can not remember the last time I was this frustrated.

It seems I am doomed to spend the rest of my life at Wal-Mart. Let me explain:

The gym I work at is on this new program thing they like to call, "raising the bar." They have set out this new code of guidelines we have to follow in order to be hired on next fall. These guidelines are pretty reasonable, but some are difficult for someone who has more than one job to support their family. For instance, we must attend every staff meeting and coaches clinic, or we get a strike. (Three strikes, you're fired.) Staff meetings are easy because we have them the first Wednesday every month, and I don't work Wednesday nights - for that vary reason. But Coaching Clinics are much more random. This is much harder for me to accommodate because walmart sets out the schedule three weeks in advance. I didn't find out until last week that there is a clinic tomorrow. Well guess what boys and girls, I picked up a shift at Wal-Mart tomorrow night! Two weeks ago!

With this new program, the gym has decided to "hold auditions" for who ever wants to work there next fall. In addition with being hired on in the fall, we are promised A LOT more pay, and more hours. In case you haven't guessed already, I REALLY WANT THIS!!!! But not all of us are promised a spot. Out of the ten coaches they have now, they only want to take 6-8.

So I decided I'm going to do everything in my power to get one of those positions. Wal-Mart is the only thing standing in my way. But I need Wal-Mart...right now.

When I heard about the clinic, I called my manager up, (who is Mr. Eat-Sleep-and Breathe Wal-Mart) and told him I would have to leave two hours early on my shift. Of coarse he asked why, so I told him.

He got very frustrated. "Isn't this the second time I've had to accommodate your other employer? When are they going to get their act together?" But ultimately he let me off anyway.

****Side Note***
I don't believe this manager is being completely fair. He has no idea how many times the gym has asked me to do something and I've said, "I can't. I have to work at Wal-Mart that day."

After I talked to my manager I called my boss at the gym and asked her exactly what time the clinic is. There was only a small flyer in the office and I glanced at it on my way out. She text me back and said it started a half hour earlier than what I had told my Wal-Mart manager.

I asked her if it was alright for me to wait until I was done with work and she said she would talk to her husband (the gym owner)and see. Which I think means probably not.

I am just so frustrated because I feel like I can't make anyone happy. And I am tired of never being good enough for someone or something. I want to be a full-time coach so bad, but it wouldn't be smart for me to quit Wal-Mart before I am guaranteed that position. But right now it looks like I won't be considered unless I quit Wal-Mart.

Does anyone have anything to say or advise? I'm at my wits end. If you were ever going to leave a comment, now would be the best time.

Keepin' It Real

I've learned that "promise" is a strong word. If you say it, people will hold you to it.

But I don't mind. I really didn't know so many people read this silly thing.

So what's been up with us, you ask? A LOT of nothing...if that makes sense. As a couple been doing really good, but I've lacked motivation lately. I think my problem is I try to accomplish too much in one day, and when the sun sets and I'm still looking at my To Do list I feel like I've failed.

Today Matt literally dragged me out of the church pew and made take on a walk with him so I could "smell the posies." We spent the rest of Sacrament in the wind and the sunshine. And we wondered about how much bird poop was on top of the temple.

I'm happy to report that I haven't had a migraine in over two weeks! Last week we took a trip to Idaho Falls to get me some glasses. When I put them on for the first time and gazed out at the parking lot, it was like I was seeing Idaho for the first time. On the way home I was shouting out the names of road signs just because I could. By the end of the day I felt like I had super powers. I will now be known as Opti-Girl! I love my new glasses and Matt says they up my cute factor. <---my other super power.

Since my bout of migraines I've been very fatigued, but I mostly account that to the fact that I get up and go to one job or another six days a week. It takes a lot of effort to get me out of bed these days. Yesterday I cried when my alarm started blaring at me. My preschoolers suck the life out of me sometimes with there airplane races and constant questions. Its amazing how curious a three year old is about the world....makes you put somethings into perspective. But I love my job. Its a good day if I only have to scale up the rock wall to rescue one of them.

Funny story....
Matt asked me if I was going to wear my glasses when I taught preschool. I thought about it and said, "No, probably not." Here was my explanation: "It wouldn't be a good idea cuz I'm upside down a lot....I roll around on my head sometimes....occasionally I'll get smacked or kicked in the face...." And then I realized, that's my JOB DESCRIPTION! When did I sign up to get kicked in the face!? Haha. Good thing their feet are so little.

Other new developments have happened since spring started. I've been diligently going to workout classes with Aubrey. My favorites are Yoga, Pump It, and Water Aerobics - which kicks my but by the way! I used to think of water aerobics and picture middle aged women wading in the shallow end of the pool lifting milk jugs above their heads. Ooooh no sir! We did laps, we did crunches with noodles, we did leg kicks till the brink of death. I nearly drowned seven times! I'm not sure what I saw at the public pool when I was six but that was not water aerobics! I now know what Aubrey feels like when we do yoga.

Just because we had the money to blow, Matt and I bought Guitar Hero World Tour. Its really fun! We started our own punk band, Coward Academy. Matt is our drummer and I play guitar and sometime sing. Sometimes with a British accent. We're like the White Stripes. Except we're not brother and sister. We're married. But I promise we won't be like all those other crazy Hollywood couples. No, we keep it real. It doesn't get anymore real than Mac 'n Cheese in a one bedroom apartment.


So what have we learned boys and girls?

1. Sleeping in is the best way to spend the morning.

2. I have super powers.

3. Water Aerobics is hardcore, and don't let anyone tell you different.

Update Soon. I promise!

Stacey Dean is right. I, as well as many others, have neglected our blogs. Shame on us!

But I promise things are going great - just really busy. Matt is doing very well in school and I am getting some time off work next week.

Real post tomorrow, I promise!

Wedding Dresses

So I'm watching this show, "Say Yes to the Dress" (Trying to get my mind off my headache and nausea.)And it's absolutely killing me!

I just can't believe these people spend fortunes on a dress they will wear for one day! The real kicker is, they are only paying for a name brand. For thousands of dollars less, You can find any style dress you want online.

For $200 I sent in my measurements and got the dress of my dreams sent to me in three weeks. I'd done a lot of research, and when I saw my wedding dress, I just knew it was the one. The second I laid eyes on it, I had the same feeling that sparked in my when Matt and I danced together for the first time.

Seriously, these people have dress budgets for $6000 and their parents are like, "I really don't know how I'm gonna pay for it, but it's her 'special day' and I want her to be beautiful."

Baloney!

$6000! That's a years worth of rent for me! Seriously people? It's things like that that make me think....do you want a husband, or a wedding?

...........Okay, I'm done.

ready for summer

So, if you haven't guessed by now, Blogging hasn't been a big priority lately. But here's a little update about what we've been doing.

Easter went by, practically unnoticed. We were having some financial issues, due to the internet, we couldn't see where our money was going and when. (Don't get me started on the internet. Just don't.) So we postponed Easter baskets until the following weekend, which had nicer weather, I wore a new outfit to church, and we had Natasha and Nate over for dinner - so it felt much more like Easter.

In my basket (which was actually a flower pot) was some Nerd and sour candy, green flip flops, a kite, a Ferrero chocolate assortment, and a rubber ducky dressed like a pirate. <--- He was a big hit!


While I continue to work at the gym, and that other unmentionable place, Matthew started school. I know it's only been one week, but I've never seen him so diligent about school work. He literally goes to school, comes home and does homework, goes to work, does homework at work, and then comes home and does more homework! The real kicker is....he's in bed by 11pm. ELEVEN O'clock. Since I've known Matt, I've never seen him go to bed at 11.

Sheesh.

We had our first big fight. Matt was embarrassed because I yelled at the neighbors and I was mad because he didn't take my side. (He is waaaaaay more tolerant of teenagers than I am. I hated teenagers even when I was one.) I slept on the couch and we didn't talk for about 12 hours. Yeah, it was pretty monumental:)

We started speaking to each other again when I found out Sara (his sister) is expecting in December! I was really excited and wanted to tell him. I was anxious for us to get over the whole thing and start talking again, but I hadn't been sure what to say, since I'd already apologized. But a baby is always a good ice breaker and mender. When a baby comes along, you just kind of forget about all that petty stuff.

So yeah, we're over it. He will probably not like the fact that I shared that here, but I'm actually laughing about it now. Our first "sleeping on the couch" fight! But on a more serious note, I am working on my "people" skills.....*hehehe*

I've been trying to soak up as much time with Aubrey before she moves to another town at the end of the summer. Its worth it for me to keep working on that friendship even after she's not across the parking lot, but Matt thinks I need to make another friend. He says I'll be lonely. I know he's right, but my stomach does summer-salts every time I go up to talk to someone else.

Next topic.

So, I guess I'll talk about it now that Matt has told practically everyone he sees. The book is....written. We've been editing together. Surprisingly, it's really fun, and a lot more time consuming than I first estimated. But we can't wait to see the end result.

Oh, I got my hair cut for summer. I'll get some pictures up if Matt ever pulls his nose out of his Biology book. It's A LOT shorter. And I got what's called a "shadow box" where my hair is pretty much black underneath and streaked in the bangs. It's really cute. A little punkish, but still preschool teacher appropriate :)