Distraction

Ha ha. This is funny.



You aren't sure where you came from. Perhaps your sire did an embrace and run. Or maybe your sire was an outcast himself. Either way, your powers are unique and really don't belong to any clan...or maybe a little from each. Because you of these circumstances, you aren't really sure where you belong. You tend to wander and do a bit of soul searching in your eternal life. Maybe some day...you have a while after all

What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?

I really need to get back to work....

Snow much fun!!

Okay, so it's been snowing for like two weeks straight now and I'm about ready to board myself up in the house and not come out till spring. But we've been having fun.

I've got some cool pictures. Check this out.

A White Apocolypse

If it snowed this much back home, the entire town would shut down. School's would be canceled due to the fact that the buses wouldn't be able to get up the unplowed gravel roads. Deliveries would never be made either. There would be riots in the grocery stores because they couldn't keep enough of the staples in stock. Hehe. I can imagine it now, people battling it out for the last loaf of bread.

It's a different kind of snow though. Here it a light, dry, powdery snow. Its extremely easy to brush off your car, and if you gently place some in your hand and then fling it into the air, the snow slowly drifts down like tiny white feathers. And it sparkles every where it touches, even when the sun isn't shining. This snow is like that magical fake stuff they use in movies.

I love and hate snow. From my bedroom window, I love the way it rests on the warm glass and glimmers underneath the streetlights. From my car, I hate the way it mocks me, attacking my windshield as if it where the white plague of death. As beautiful as this snow may be, I believe perhaps it is controlled by the forces of evil; shutting me up in my home, and making me late for work.

Getting to church this morning was a pain, but every morning for the last two weeks has been a pain and I'm reluctantly getting use to it. Matt didn't come with me. He caught the flu last night and couldn't even lift his head off the pillow this morning. So I brought him some medicine home and when he was up to it, fixed him some soup. I've been checking his temp about every forty five minutes, and the decimal is slowly dropping.

I'd never say this to his face but he's quite adorable when he's miserable; all pouty and wrapped up in a blanket. But it's a good day to be sick. The snow is not permitting us access to the outside world at the moment.

Let's just hope my flu shot does it's job and I don't get sick. Although I think I would have by now after all those snot faced hugs and months of kissing owies.

Funny Story...

Okay, so tonight I was at home and Matthew was at work. He calls me up on his break and asked, "Um....did you make an electronic withdraw for $75?"

75 dollars....75 dollars? Why did that sound so familiar? I usually don't spend that much money unless I'm paying bills, which I haven't done yet this month.

I gave him a long open ended "Nooooo."

"You didn't take out $75 today."

"No!" I affirmed with panic. We'd been identity thefted, I just knew it. Yesterday, going against my usual unnecessary anxiety, I made a Christmas purchase online while keeping my fingers crossed. But this time my feelings of impeding doom were dead on. It was only a matter of time before this crock drained our whole bank account.

I got off the phone with Matt and immediately called the bank. The lady said the $75 withdraw was made today to a company called HSBC. HSBC? never heard of them.

"Do you have a credit card?" she asked.

"No."

"Have you ever had a credit card?" she asked now with dry tone.

"NO," I repeated. Why wasn't she taking my urgency seriously? By now the crook was probably placing the winning bit for the entire series of "Lost" on ebay.

"Who is Matthew Roberts?" she asked to my surprise.

"My husband," I answered. How did he get involved in this? His name isn't even on the account.

"The transaction was supposedly made through him. Does he have a credit card?"

"No," I replied reassuringly.

Perhaps to reassuringly, because the "helpful" woman replied with a sigh, "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I cried in my high pitched offended tone. "I think I know my own husband."

So I called Matt back and he was busy so he said he'd call me back. I waited the longest 20 minutes of my life. Someone sensitive to anxiety attacks cannot wait 20 minutes!

In the meantime I checked the website of this HSBC place. It was a bank, they did stocks, credit cards, all that jazz. Most of their offices were in Europe. I'm not sure if it was the writer in me, or if it was that "chemical imbalalnce" thing kicking in, but I started fabricating all these crazy possibilites as to why Matthew was involved with this company.

He's a spy. BYU is just a cover up. He's really goes to some secret goverment agency set up underground beneath the Hinkly building. (But that seemed a little far fectched, even to me.)

He was twisted up in the stock market, and didn't know how to tell me.

He has a love child somewhere and the babymama needed a little extra cash for "Christmas" i.e. get the loan sharks off her back for one more day. (Let's remember there was a 3 1/2 year period of our lives where we didn't speak.)

He somehow owed these people money for a Christmas present for me. (I liked that one.)

So FINALLY matt called back and was like, "Oh, HSBC. That's actually my bestbuy card. I remember now. I payed them yesterday."

His BestBuy card. I forgot about his BestBuy card. I shrunk down to about three inches tall.

On the brightside, it's nice to find out for sure that your husband doesn't have a secret babymama outthere somewhere.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I just want to say, I love my friends here. I'm lucky to have them. I just get spells of anxiety and I need to spend a weekend or two alone. No biggie. I'm fine.

Hibernation

Aubrey finally ventured up to my apartment with the plate of fuchsia iced cupcakes she'd promised me - the kind of cupcakes that are made without the annoying paper that steals half the cake when you peel it off. My favorite. (Much appreciated, Aubs.) It took her inquiry about my lack of blogging to make me admit I haven't logged on to the internet for over a week.

I'd cancel our service if it weren't for Matt's homework.

I have to set a warning that this won't be one of my happier blogs. It so sounds petty and angsty (yes, "angsty" is a word) but I am so pissed off at the world right now!

Months ago, I swore off radio because I can't stand most of the crap they waste airtime with anyway. Every time I dare to turn on the television, I'm either disgusted or offended by what I see and hear. (Just don't ask. It's better not to get me started.) The cable company switched around all the channels and since then MTV and VH1 have moved to channels my crappy box t.v. won't pick up. And I'm glad. If I see Paris Hilton's arrogant smirk one more time I'm going to break something. And it will probably be something expensive that I will get in trouble for.

I don't like most music that is popular with this generation. I hate reality T.V. (Except ANTM. I don't know why. I have no desire to be a model, or dress like one. But I can't get enough of that show. I guess because I know what it's like to have that perfect unobtainable dream.) I will never spend more than $25 dollars on a pair of jeans. I can't understand why people my age read the books they read, make their hair look like a muppet, or consume the things they put into their body. And I'm so far away from my generations circle of political veiws it looks like a dot to me.

I thought Rexburg would be different. But I guess it doesn't matter where I go. Back home, people told me I have too many morals. Here, it seems I don't have enough.

Like every sullen teenager, I use to have a lot of self image and esteem issues. But I can honestly say that I truly love the flawed person I've become. But that person doesn't belong anywhere - except for this cozy little apartment with Matthew. So I've bolted myself in here, only emerging to go make money to support my writing habbit.


Matthew is good to me. I don't know how it happened, but he knows me better than anyone else. He knows when I'm hurting and he knows my remedies. One night, out of the blue, he came
home early from work with hot coco and an 80's movie. I love 80's films. No matter what problem I'm having, if I watch "Wayne's World" life just falls into place somehow. (ok so maybe that's early 90's. whatever.)

I'm tired of people telling me what to like, what to buy, and making me feel I'll be a nobody without it. I'm tired of being told what "a girl my age should be doing." I hate it when someone says I don't know what a good book is because I haven't been brainwashed into their vampire cult. (Which, if you know me, you know how deep that peirced my feelings.) I'm just tired of being told I'm wrong.

I don't want to "fit in." I don't want to change. I like me. I just wish I lived in a world where there was more of me. And where we all use correct grammer.

I still haven't quite recovered from my bought of anti-social behavior. I plan on staying in here just a little longer, reading by the lights of the Christmas tree my husband and I decorated together. Limited televsion. No cell phone. No myspace. Just absorbed in writing my book. Because my book is MY world. No one goes in or out without MY say.

Matt will be home soon. He'll see the Christmas presents I wrapped for him. I hope he likes them. I practiced cutting the paper till I got it right, till I could glide my siccors across the whole paper with one graceful stroke of my wrist. Like my mom does.

finally home.

Okay, we're home. We hopped on a plane super early this morning, then caught the 4 hour bus ride with our friend Carlos, then drug our luggage three blocks. But we're finally home...

It's strange, after spending 24/7 with my husband and a handful of other loved ones for the past two weeks, I'm having a bit of separation anxiety. Matt left for work at 6 and it feels creepy to be here alone. Being Thanksgiving weekend, it's like a ghost town around the apartment complex. Every little sound made by the passing wind outside is making me jump.

As if the stress of the last two weeks decided to pound me all at once, I suddenly became exhausted the minute Matt left me alone. At first I didn't know what to do with myself. I unpacked, straightened up the apartment, took a bath, lit some of the incense we bought at that Chinese"antique" store in Texas. It was funny. I realized there are no lighters or matches in the apartment - as open flames are banned from the complex. So I had to light the cone on the red coils of the stove, the way I've always watched my mom light her cigarettes.

Huhh. But enough ado... There is so much I have to say that I can't fit into this one rinky-dinky blog. But I'll do my best. I guess I'll start where I left off.

Gail made it through Saturday night, when we were left to our own devices. But she slipped away Sunday afternoon, when we all least expected it. The four of us were beginning an intense game of Settlers of Zarahemla. Matt was practically begging me to trade my brick card for his wheat, when we were urgently called into the room.

I feel bad. I honestly didn't take it seriously, at first. But after six days of jumping up at every sound that came from that bedroom....I had just grown immune. It all seemed so surreal. All three of Gail's children were gathered around her bedside, waiting tensely while the nurse listened to her heart with a stethoscope. She'd never done that before.

"She's gone," the nurse whispered as she lowered the instrument from her ears.

Sara was the first to crack. Matt immediately went to comfort her. Frank did well at holding his composure, but the three of them soon linked in a sobbing embrace. It was a tragically beautiful thing to watch.

Matt didn't loose it until we were in the car, driving to the cemetery to pick out a plot. He was sitting in the back seat, absorbed in his headphones, listening to the song he and his mother danced to at our wedding just three months earlier. That'll do it.

But that's how Matt is. He expresses his feelings though music. Good and bad. So I wasn't surprised. Through this whole experience, I never knew what to do - physically do. When it all seemed to be to much for him, we would go for a walk, or I would just hold him. But enough. I'm too depressing. Gail's funeral was majestically amazing. But I'll tell you all about that later. I'm tired.

Back to work tomorrow.

Just trying to stay awake.

I'm sorry if my last couple of blogs have been nothing but downers. I'm really trying not to be so negative anymore. But that's what things are like here right now. The last week has been a gruesome waiting game, a CW drama, and an emotional roller coaster.

The short version is....

Matt and I made it here on time.  PLENTY of time. It's about 3am sunday morning and she's showed no changes since about three days ago. We thought she was going once, and we all rushed to her bedside, but after awhile, she stopped thrashing, moaning, and sweating, and started breathing normally again. And that's what the last 3 days have been like. We don't leave this house. Her friends do our laundry and bring us food. (I have a lot of paying forward to do later.) We just wait. Every time she takes and exasperated breathe, we hold ours until her bony chest rises and falls again. Every time she lets out a frustrated cry we rush into the room. We know she can hear us, we just can't figure her out.

All of this has started to take its toll on each of Gail's children, but most important to me, Matthew. Finally, tonight one of Gail's friends kicked us out of the house so we went to the mall for a few hours just to be outside. At that point I realized I've been here a week and haven't seen anything of Houston! It was great. But when we got back, the day nurse, who was supposed to be relieved an hour and a half earlier, had to leave. The night nurse has never showed up, so we are fending for our own. No one will get a lot of sleep tonight.

Around 1am Matt and  I took a walk and had a long heart2heart about everything. On top of his mother dying there is a bit of drama floating around and I just needed to talk to someone to sort things out. I think I needed to talk just as much as he did. I feel like I haven't been alone with him in a week! That is hard...we are newlyweds and all.

But I'm not complaining. Lots of good things have come out of this too. His family has gotten to know me better and I'll say we've bonded pretty well. You don't get much closer than this. 

I just want some closure to this soon. Matthew is very strong, as well as his siblings, but he's struggling to stay strong through this and it's breaking my heart. This is not how I pictured my marriage three months into it, but I love him. I would do just about anything for him. And I know this is not the hardest thing we will have to endure together. 

After this, bring it.

Day One

My "bad day" monday was nothing, NOTHING compared to what had followed after I posted that blog. As usual, I spoke to soon.

Thankfully, Matt and I arranged for a flight out of Salt Lake that following morning, and I was able to move up  our shuttle trip for the second time that day without any fees. Can't say that much for the airline though. To change our flight - again - it was going to cost us a grand total of about $1100. Luckily there was a loop hole and after getting all the medical info from the hospice, fighting with the Texas state laws, and pleading with Northwest supervisors, our fees were cut down to $75 each. 

Instead of watching Matt FOR THREE HOURS slowly loose his patience and fighting back tears, I got on the phone with co-workers from the gym to find subs for my classes. After awhile my begging paid off. I was back and forth on the phone with Sara, my mom, Matt's teachers, and my boss. When that was done and he was "still on hold," I started to pack and clean the house. 

Sara called again, said she was pretty sure we wouldn't make it. She asked me to give the phone to Matt so he could....say his goodbyes. Just in case. 

There is nothing more heartbreaking in this world that I have seen, than my husband, two phones to his ear - one phone playing complementary "hold" music and forced advertising - the other blubbering out rushed, painful goodbyes. It killed me. Literally. A part of my heart I didn't know I had crushed under the emotions. 

If only I was prepared for what was to come.  

More later...

Quick update

It was a looooong trip but we got here just fine. And we got here in time. It's really quiet and really crowded. Matt ate something finally. 

I'll update again soon. 

I don't like to say this a lot but.....

today was just awful.

I was still asleep when I walked into work. Most mornings, there is this overnight guy named Rosy (don't ask) who is finishing up his Dungeons and Dragons game about the time I walk in. He usually saves me a piece of his breakfast which 9 times out of 10 is some kind gourmet cheesecake. (Matt and I discussed this at length and decided it is okay for me to accept gifts from other men as long as A.) Said man is not more handsome than Matthew, B.) Said gift is edible, and C.) Said man is aware I am a married woman. But he played hooky last night so I went hungry.

Then as soon as I slugged out onto the sales floor, Debora read off a to-do list that was longer than the numbers of pointless mind numbing shows on MTV. I like Debora, but I keep telling her and she just doesn't listen. If she tries to talk to me before 8:30 am, all I hear is the teacher from beloved T.V. classic Peanuts.

I banged up my shin pretty bad walking through a roll rack. Apparently Debora had warned me that she had lowered the bar, but all I heard was, "Wah wah wha."

With my shin throbbing, I hobbled around for the rest of the morning. Just when I moronically thought things couldn't get worse, Matt's sister called.

Even though Sara is one of my favorite people, she was the last person I wanted it to be when my pocket vibrated. But low and behold.

Matt's mom is very sick, and planning to end her battle with cancer. Very soon. Sooner than we expected. Sooner by the day it seems... We planned on taking time off work to go visit her next week, but Sara calmly suggested we take a flight in the next few days. So while I was at work, and Matt was at school, she did some finagling and got us on a flight for Wed.

And as we speak, Matthew is trying to get us a flight out tomorrow morning, and the next shuttle to Salt Lake because Sara called again just a few minutes ago.

This isn't even the beggining. But I'm sweating really bad...and I have only an hour to pack.

Fill you in later.

Nate's Visit and My New Remedy 4 Sleepless Nights.

This was a great weekend, but I'm not ready for it to be over yet.

I find myself in a comfortable routine during the week. I get up early every day and either to teach my classes or go to work. I've arranged it to where no matter which jobs I work, I'm home by seven everyday. Matt works most nights so I have the place to myself, which is sometimes a good thing, sometimes not. I usually write and occasionally find time to do housework.

To most it seems like a boring life, but I'm very happy with the peace and quiet. I'll enjoy boring while it lasts.

Friday was a short day, I went into work early and got off at 1:00. That was nice because I was able to come home and take a nap with the new ear plugs I bought. I was anxious to test them out. I'm a very light sleeper, and if there is any kind of noise in my environment it becomes very difficult to fall asleep. Here is how I describe it: when I'm trying to fall asleep, it's like I'm slowing walking down a tunnel....at the end is slumbertown. As I'm "walking" if I hear a noise, it disrupts my path and I find myself at the beginning. You can see where this is pretty frustrating and why I would be a bad roommate to have.

Let's get this straight now, I'm not a crazy person. I don't actually picture myself walking down a tunnel, it's just a metaphor.

So the ear plugs turned out to be a charm cuz Matt said he was hollering at me to wake up and I didn't even stir. I woke up after he gently shook me.

Finally! I won't have to fall asleep to Final Fantasy battle themes and Robot Chicken!!

My nap was cut short because our good friend Nate came in from out of town to spend the weekend with us. It felt great to have a guest over and even better that it was Nate. He spent his mission in Missouri and we instantly became friends. He came back last summer to visit some of the friends he'd made. And also came out when Matt and I got married.

Friday night, Matt had to work but Nate and I walked around town and I showed him all the "hot spots" in Rexburg. Needless to say, that didn't take long, but I had to get to bed early so I would be awake before dawn. I worked all day Saturday but was able to come home and have lunch with Nate - who was still in his P.Js playing videogames on the couch:-)

When I got home at 4 the apartment was empty. Nate was off visiting other friends, and I was glad because I got some much needed rest. When I woke up from my coma I took a long shower and got dressed. For the first time in days I put on some makeup and actually put some effort into my hair. By the time I went to pick up Matt, Nate was back and we all went out to eat and then to the cheap theater because Nate hadn't seen the dark night yet.

We stayed up waaaay to late, and were waaaay to loud playing games and eating icecream. It was great. I haven't done that in a long time. For once, at church this morning, my neighbors were giving us dirty looks!

Today was pretty typical. After we bid Nate farwell, we laid in bed and watched a movie, eating chips and salsa, and more icecream...just cuz. Matt did homework all day and I left with no choice of procrastinating, I did laundry. I couldn't come up with anything creative for dinner so we just had steak, but I cooked it a new way, which seemed to leave Matt pleased.

So now I'm just chillin. Sucked into a marathon of America's Next Top Model. Dreading tomorrow. It's not that I have to work, and it's not that I have to work so long. It's that I know no matter how early I go to sleep I just can't get up before dawn.

Wish me Luck!

newlywed epiloges

I'm determined to write this before I collapse of exhaustion. While adding Nathaniel to my facebook friends, I pulled up "The Academy Is...." on the zune, which always gets my fingers moving.

Out of the blue my friend Meghan from back home called me up today and I was absolutely thrilled! I hadn't seen her since she got married last July and moved to Arizona. She and Nathaniel literally said "I Do" and ran off the next day. But it was good for them to get away, I can understand that.

At church we had this little click of us who were all dating and engaged. Matt, Spencer, and Nathaniel pretty much grew up together, but then they all came home from their mission and got girlfriends. Meghan and I were both pretty new, so we stuck together pretty well at church and became good friends.

As fate would have it, the three of us got married within three months of each other. Spencer and Nicole got married in June on a dock by a rose petal covered lake. In July, Meg and Nathaniel married in the chapel. They decorated it so creatively, it was like you were sitting in another world. Then, a month later, Matt and I wed on a green hilltop.

Meg and I spent a good hour playing catch up. She's living in sunny Arizona in her cute apartment with her hubby and two new dogs. (I am totally jealous.)

I'm starting to finally find my nitch here, but it made me miss home. And especially miss the old days of Fenton.

Another gone, another to work for.

As usual, the weekend went by way to fast.

Friday I woke up to the sound of the shower. Normal. What wasn't normal was that it was 9:15 and Matt's class had started 15 minutes ago.

He left the shower on? How odd, I thought in my clouded, pillow faced dazed. Then the obvious dawned on me.

He slipped and cracked his head open and all his blood is swirling down the shower drain! I haven't gotten out of bed so fast and alarmed since my old roommate threw her last noisy kegger. I ripped the shower curtain back and was relieved to find no blood or any bodily fluids of any kind. He was slumped over in the shower - asleep!

When I woke him, he didn't seem to appreciate the humor of the situation. So I helped him back to bed, but I was already awake with panicked adrenaline so I went out to the quiet living room to work on my book.

At noon, he still hadn't moved, so I put some cinnamon rolls in the oven, in hopes that the irresistible aroma would lure him into the living room.

It didn't. So I was left with not option except to nag him awake. See, I have this rule, unless you are sick, you need to be up by noon. It's just standard non-loser policy. Exhaustion from staying up till 3 playing video games doesn't count.

Well, we couldn't do anything we'd planned to do because Matt slept so late and had to do homework before his next class. So I ran some errands, and we had about an hour of quality time before he left again. I worked on the book and prepared chicken fried rice for dinner.

While he was at work I took the opportunity to have some girl time with Aubs. We went to go see Mamma Mia cuz it was playing in the "cheap theater." It's funny, every time I'd ask Matt what was playing there he would just skip over that title. Boys are stupid.

Spending time with Aubrey is one of my favorite things about living here in the Rex. We are having her and Kenny over for fondue tuesday night! Can you believe they've never had fondue?

Saturday was lame, but I'll get to that.

Today was as normal as ever. I'm not complaining. We went to church, we watched a movie, ate salsa. I took a nap and made dinner. Stuffed and baked pasta shells. Then we watched a short marathon of 3rd rock from the sun. Hehe. I remember watching that show late at night when I was like, 13, on the little black and white T.V. in my room that I was so greatful to have.

So Saturday. Ugh. Work. Lame. I was a total zombie, barely functioning. I could smile and was pleasant and all that. But I kept having to sit down and just rest. I was soooo tired. It doesn't matter how early I go to bed, I just can't get up before 7. Sometimes not even 7. So being as absent minded as I was, I took something Matt said all wrong. And that spurred a fight. Well, we could finish the fight because we were at work, so I stewed for five, long, agonizing hours. I wrote this horrible blog - that I knooooow I shouldn't have. Ten minutes after I wrote it, I was like, oh, that was out of line, I should take it down. But our internet went down. And didn't come back till NOON TODAY! So I appologize to anyone who read that.

I shouldn't air my personal problems and opinions on the internet. Have I learned nothing from YouTube? I know what I should and shouldn't do. Trust me, half the people around here remind me every day. I never claimed to be perfect. I'm still learning. Just playin this game as I go. Like most of you.

Remember....I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me ;-P

In Love and War

I'm not alone cuz the T.V.'s on...

...yeah, I'm not crazy cuz I take the right pills. Every day.

Name that band.

I am sooo happy to finally be home. I turned my T.V. on as I cleaned up the kitchen so it would fill out the silence a little bit. I put away the groceries, twenty dollars worth less that what I usually buy, because we had to drop 500 bucks today on plane tickets to Texas. It's nice though, being able to have a little cushion of money set aside for emergencies.

Preschool classes this morning wore. me. out. But the kids are totally worth it. It's hard to explain, but I absolutely adore every single one of them. Even little Rhett who is borderline skitzo and can't sit still for even a minute, but is one of the sweetest little boys ever. Every time I open my mouth to scream at him, he looks at me with those big innocent eyes and my rage instantly subisdes. I get to kiss thier "owies," and soak up their laughter. Watching each week as they learn and evolve. What better way could I earn money?

Kids really do say the darnest things. Chatty Natty was telling me that her dad moved to a new office.

"What does your daddy do?" I asked her.

"He works at an office."

"What does he do at his office?" I probed further.

Natty thought for a moment, and answered oh so honestly, "Um...he yells at people."

I about died with laughter.

I'm just relaxing now, whatching Ghost Hunters. A realization came to me tonight. I watch too many ghost investigation shows. Matt has been saying this for months but it became known to me when tonight's Ghost Hunters episode began, and I was like, wait, Ghost Adventures already scowered that place.

It's sad really. But I'm never afraid to like what I like.

Tomorrow is looking bright, because I just have my preschool classes in the morning and then I have three luxirious hours to bath, eat, and nap, and then I will go back to the gym to play secretary for the rest of the afternoon. But then the whole night is mine!

I'll let you know how it goes :)

I'm good with kids after all. Who knew?

I just finished a long hot shower, to end an even longer day.


Matt and I have spent the last few days working and spending quality time with each other. But today I only saw him when I kissed him goodmorning/goodbye and when we had a meeting in the store manager's office.


My mom called me, first thing - to make sure I had voted. (although it didn't do any good.) Mom and I talked for a bit on Sunday. I must have caught her in a good mood, because it felt a lot like old times. She had mentioned that an ooooold boyfriend (one of the few that doesn't curse the day I was born) was in town and wanted to know how I was doing. So we gossiped about him for a bit, and everyone else in our small town. It was like I was sitting across the kitchen table with her. I miss that.


My preschool classes this morning went pretty well. Kids will be kids, they act up sometimes. But it's great to see the most missed behaved kids in the class progress a little each week. I have this student Keller, we used to call him "killer." A month with me, and now he's the most happy, well behaved kid in his class. It's a very gratified feeling to help a child develop. I feel useful, like I'm suppose to work there. That always starts the day off great.

Next was on to work at Wal-Mart where I always have plenty to keep my busy. When Matt got there at six we met with the store manager to see if there was anyway we could take some time off during the Thanksgiving holiday and black friday to spend time with Matt's mom. Luckily Wal-Mart is very symathetic when it comes to family.

I worry about Matt sometimes. He isn't very well in touch with his emotions. He doesn't anger easily, and I've only seen him tear up once. It's like whenever something sad, or enraging triggers that part of his brain, instead of functioning normally, his brain just injects is heart with a shot of novicane. Most people would say that is just a man thing, but it seems all of the men in my life have been extremely emotional.....My father, boyfriends, close guyfriends. It's like they're just women with balls. I won't waste time with examples.

Whatever.

After work, I had to go back to the gym to do some first aide and CPR training. It was accutally quite interesting and I learned alot, although the worst injury one of my kids have suffered is an indian burn from "Killer." It's funny, about a month ago, the owners of the gym went to this convention and learned about all the things they can be sued for, and since then, we've had a lot more meetings and rules enforced.

So now I'm home, wrapped in my comfy red bathrobe. But not for long - I have to go pick up my husband. I can't wait till he's home.

Time flies on my day off.

So far it's been a pretty uneventful Halloween. You'd think this would disappoint me considering it is my second favorite holiday, second only to 4th of July and the obvious Christmas. But I'm completely content, quietly sitting at the computer in my bathrobe and eating a bowl of mint chip ice cream. (Tragically, I haven't bought chocolate, my favorite, since I got married, enluew of Matty's detest for it.)

We just started off on an off day. Matt and I both woke up extremely congested and groggy from a troubled night's sleep. On account of nightmare's stemming from a Ghost Adventure's documentary, I drifted in and out all night. I laid awake at one point, facing away from Matt. I though I heard him grunt my name, but when I turned over with a frustrated, "What?" he was fast asleep.

It was a while before I convinced myself I was just imagining things.

We had planned to go to the temple in between Matt's classes, but I could barely lift my stone body out of bed. So instead of fixing my hair while he went to biology, I caught up on an hour of sleep in the comfort of daylight. He came home sometime later, and just passed out next to me on the bed, glasses, shoes, and all.

It was noon before I had the heart to wake him. He reluctantly got up and worked on some homework while I made lunch. I had just cleaned the kitchen a few hours ago and was itching to get it all stained again, so I made some pasta.

We ate a late lunch and then Matt went back to school. I took the opportune lone time to work out some things in the book, and before I knew it, the clock struck five and he was home. I helped him into his Halloween costume, "The Guitar Hero" same as last year. I sprayed his hair blue, (which is surprisingly complementary to his complexion.) and fixed his eyeliner, just as I had to boys in the past. Garrett as a vampire. Kyle as a pirate. Ryan, urr, just as Ryan ;-P

I'll say it turned out splendid. I can't wait to hear his fellow employee's reactions. They are not use to seeing him this way. Sometimes I really think he would dress like this more often...if he could get away with it.

Aubrey came over and explained to me how she got tricked into babysitting. We might hang out later if she gets off early enough. (she also has a husband who leaves her at home till the middle of the night.) In the mean time, I've enjoyed the solitude of my apartment. I cooked dinner just for myself, something else I haven't done since getting married. On a whim I sauteed mushrooms and chicken in sesame oil, sprinkling in just about any seasoning I could find in my cupboard.

If I learned anything from my old roommate Kelly, it was how to screw people over - but most of all, how to cook with just the bare essentials. I remember once we were snowed in for three days (not that we would have had much money to buy food if we were not snowed in) with nothing in the apartment but some vegetables, croutons, garlic powder, and ranch dressing. Believe it or not - we had a feast that night.

So I ate, and took a long shower, hence the bathrobe. I caught up on Twilight, since I've been too busy to pick it up in the last few days. I just finished chapter 17 and am excited because we've finally come across a bit of conflict, and even some suspense!

Hmm....maybe I'm being a bit harsh on Meyer. But I'm sure people will be hard on me.

I can't believe it's ten o'clock already. Matt's going out with some friends after work, so I guess I'll head to bed early. I would join him if I didn't have to be at work before dawn. But that's life I guess.

For now.

Back to Basics

To put it nicely, I've had some trouble adjusting to life in Rexburg, on top of being newly married. Today in enrichment we went over the ABC's of homemaking. Pretty self explanatory, each letter is a topic like "C" for cooking, "B" for budgeting, ect.

I just sat there, wide eyed the whole time, tying not to look guilty.

Everything was very informative, but it all seemed to rub in how unhousewifey I am.

Budgeting is all well and good, but our financial plan is: pay tithing, reward ourselves once in a while, but spend AS LITTLE as possible. And that seems two work for us.

Cooking is something I love, but is time and money consuming. So I only do it on nights that Matt and I are both home, which is like......one, maybe two nights a week. And I'm not a good enough wife to get up at five and make him breakfast. He would much rather lay in bed for ten minutes and cuddle.

With cooking came nutrition. Okay, nutrition is great, but doesn't really coincide with my slacker lifestyle. I am so psychoanxious (yes I just made up my own word.) that worrying about how many carbs are in my cereal and fretting over whether or not I'm getting the right serving of vegatables each day is just rediculous. My mind is already preoccupied with how Matt is doing in school, what crazy notion my mother is going to call me up with, and how I'm going to get things done, I don't need anymore crammed in there. Whenever I want to loose wait, I just skip dessert and eat less. (a lot less) Which may not be the most "healthy" process, but it works for me.

And excersize? Please. The way I see it, running around with pre-schoolers for ten hours a week tests your body, mind, and paitence to it's fullest limits. Add 100 crunches to that everyday for a slim waist, and I'm good to go. I don't need to run three miles a day or trick my lazy husband into joining a gym.

Don't ask me how much I actually weigh. I honestly have no idea. If it's too little, I'll obess over it. If it's too much, I'll obess over it.

Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes.

It's A Perfectly Wonderful Life

Uggg! I stumbled out of bed at 6 this morning,well - more like 6:15 after the snooze. In 6am light, which is no light at all, my face was pale and blotchy. So I dabbed some concealer and powder on and got dressed in the dark and headed out the door.

I forgot my pop tarts. I forgot my 4 dimes for a soda. But surprisingly there was no frost on the windshield so I actually made it on time to work today!

Doesn't matter though, because I was a zombie until about 3:30. So I got a solid half an hour of hard work in for the day. No, I shouldn't say that. I definitely earned my 7.50 an hour with as many projects as I finished.

But I was so exhausted when I got home that I threw the new carton of milk in the fridge and crashed straight into bed. Matt came in to see what was the matter. I told him I was fine, I just needed to rest. Without lifting my head off the pillow, I reached into my purse and handed him the debit card and told him to go get his hair cut and bring home a pizza for dinner.

I didn't even notice that the dishwasher was loaded, the bed was made, AND - get this - the laundry was all folded! I graciously thanked him when he came home.

We dinned on Little Ceasar's while he helped me with my video game. (I'm rediscovering FFX - 2) We didn't bother doing FHE since we were going over to Kenny and Aubrey's house to watch football. We had a nice time there, just hangin out, sharing stories of newlywed bliss. Take out pizza and working all day may not seem like bliss to most, but comming home to a clean home, and even comming better, coming home to Matthew truly is my idea of the perfect life.

Well....the perfect life right now :)

And I will always love $5 pizza!

Vampires, Demons, and Ghosts - Oh my!

So I finally broke down and bought "Twilight." I was itching for something to read, and since there is no substantial bookstore here in the beautiful Rexburg, I was forced to select from the display at Wal-Mart. I useually try to stay off the mainstream market and give up and comming authors a chance, but I felt left with no choice. I've heard nothing but good things about "Twilight," so I figured I'd give it a try. I've put it off so long because I was kind of burnt out on vampires. I've already read spectacular books by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, and was reluctant to stray from her. (I highly recommend her.) I was hoping to find a demonic epic or a ghost mystery. But people in this town are devoted to Stephanie Meyer's vampire saga.

Don't dare to tell anyone here that your opinions are otherwise. Stephanie Meyer is a BYU alum and any remarks about her stories that aren't singing her prasies are considered blasphmus, I've learned.

I took the book non-chalontly to the checkout and the girl in front of me gasped. "You haven't read that yet? Oh, you're in for a treat!"

I'll admit, my excitement grew, especially when the cashier commented on my purchase as well. So I went home and started reading.

It's okay. Typical teen-girl-falls-in-love-with-handsome-mysterious-boy-who-turns-out-to-be-vampire story. Very well written I'll admit. Had it been written by an amature, like myself, I would probably be bored right now. I'm about half way through and it's just starting to get to the good stuff. As a love story, Edward has begun to make his true feelings more apparent and opened up his trust to Bella. I'd like to know more about these particular vamipre folk, how they live and what they think of thier brother's budding relationship with Bella. But I suppose Meyer will get to all that.

I have mixed feelings about Bella. At first she seemed to melencholy, saying how lonely she was, yet waving off and rejecting all the kids that tryed to befriend her. And what's with calling her dad "Charlie?" I think Charlie diserves a little more respect. It's not like he abandoned her when she was two, and he obviously loves her. Why does she not love him like a father? I do not know, because the author hasn't expanded on that yet.

Also, Bella seems like such an independant girl, yet she jumps to serve Edward's every swooning word. Bella seems so practical, yet she's like, "Oh, he's a vampire. But I don't care." I pointed this out to a devoted fan and she retorted with, "Well, you can't help it if you have feelings for someone. It's uncontrollable."

My past wouldn't let me argue with her there.

"You don't choose who you fall in love with," she added devensively.

I bit my tounge, supposing she hadn't learned the contratictory of that myth the hard way yet.


Sorry. My ramblings of "Twilight" were to prelude into the actual point of this entry. The other night I was reading just before bed, a habit I'm delighted to get back into. To my surprise, my husband, Matt came in holding one of my books and plopped down on the bed to join me.
Aww...I thought. We're reading together, just like the old married couple I always invisoned we'd be.

There really is something special about being able to be with someone but not having to really do anything. I think Matt is the only person I could live with the rest of my life. He turns the T.V. down when I sleep. He lets me control the Zune when we are both in the car. He wakes up at six, just to take me to work. He doesn't leave dirty kitty litter in the kitchen trash can. He doesn't skimp on the bills. He doesn't invite mean drunk people over who don't care about my stuff. And that's true love.

We're doin pretty good. Since we got married on Aug 15 of this year, we've made the treck west out to BYU-Idaho and set up our little apartment. Matt goes to school all day and works at Wal-Mart most nights, so that leaves me free to fill the time between 7-11, which is when I usually write, clean house, and watch junk shows I probably shouldn't. I watch ghost shows whenever they are on. (Matt thinks I have a problem) Monday nights is One Tree Hill night and Big Bang Theory night. I love Jon and Kate + 8 for some reason, and The Office. My Name Is Earl reminds me of back home.

Sometimes I just like to turn on the music, take a bath, and just enjoy being at home.