Its that time again!

Turns out Imaginary Kenny was right. I did hit something. Something indeed.

Whether it was a rock, or a hunk of black ice, or spiked mace placed in the road by the devil himself, the object in question somehow ripped a hole in my transmission. And yesterday, as Matt and I went sliding down the snowy hill of doom, a stringy trail of fluid the color of burnt sienna was left in our wake.

Then the check engine light decided to alert me something was wrong.

Scott and Chelsea came to our aid, as we were on our way to go have lunch with them anyway. Taking advice from Real Kenny, the boys went to get more transmission fluid in hopes that the leak was a slow one and we would be able to make it two blocks home. Chels and I waited in the car waving by the endless amount of gracious people that stopped to check on us. Including some parents of my students.

Don't get me wrong - it is wonderful that I live in a town where so many people are kind enough to stop for strangers. But I hate to burst people's bubble after they triumphantly run down to my car, happy to be doing their good deed for the day.

"Nope. Sorry. Where just waiting. Thanks for stopping." Over and over again. And to my defense, in Missouri Driver's Ed class, I was taught NOT to talk to strangers when your car breaks down. I was told to call Triple A, sit in the car with the doors locked and wait.

Honestly, do you think if I was desperate for help I would just be sitting calmly in my car just waiting for someone to pull off to the side and rescue me? No that would be more like the time I was pacing up and down the sidewalk in front of the AutoZone in a state that doesn't match my license plates talking on my cell phone with tears streaming down my face. That's when I need help. Luckily an Angel in khaki pants and a blue collar name badge that said "Kelly" decided to spent the next four hours replacing my alternator. For nothing but a handshake.

I have Kenny's boss looking at my car now. My gut tells me it's just a leak. I've had two cars that pooped out their transmission. Before yesterday, Rosie has shown no signs of transmission failure. She's been running great for the last 5 months. But the thing is....do I want to fork out ANOTHER couple hundred dollars? With as much money as we sink into that car every few months we might as well be making car payments AND have someone take our car away for a week at a time.

I don't know.

The thing is, it is so frustrating trying to coordinate my work schedule, my other work schedule, Matt's work schedule, and Matt's school schedule with ONE SINGLE CAR. That is why we pay top dollar for a close apartment no bigger than a shoebox. If it weren't for the awesome friends we have....I don't know what we would do to get to work. I am eternally grateful to them all. Kenny, Aubrey, Scott&Chelsea, Andy&Lacey, Bill.

The real kicker is...I knew this was going to happen. Believe it or not. About a week before Christmas, I got a feeling of doom I couldn't ignore, like I always do before the car or computer fritz out. I now account that to the reason I was so nauseous and for all the dizzy headaches. I would just walk around the apartment so anxious I didn't know what to do with myself. I kept thinking...something is wrong. Then the rational side of myself, as small as it is, would say just relax, nothing is wrong. But I couldn't.

The sad thing is: It wasn't Rosie's fault this time. It was mine. Or the Devil's. Investigation is still underway.

WWKD?

I had a really nice afternoon with Aubrey. We gorged ourselves on pizza and orange sweet rolls while watching "Julie&Julia." Cute movie, but it scared me indefinitely. I felt like half of the dialogue was derived from Matt and my conversations.

"I wish I were a writer."
"You *are* a writer."
"You're not a writer until someone publishes you."

Or the infamous "Can you please not look on the bright side for once?"

Shivers....

Anyway, my point to this story and it's strange title: Driving on my way home I heard a horrific "thump". In the next few seconds the car proceeded to jerk slightly as a continued down the dark snowy highway. In a pre-programed reflex I reached for my cell to call Kenny. But in mid reach Kenny suddenly popped up in a little bubble in my head and said:

"Is your check engine light on?"
No.

"How's the temp gauge?"
Fine....

"Are the RPMs normal."
Yeah...

"Do you hear any strange sounds?"
No.

"Do you smell anything?"
Uh uh.

"Jerk the wheel a little."
Okay.

"Response good?"
Yep.

"You probably just hit something then."
Okay. Thanks Kenny :)

And then he burst back into the thin air from whence he came.

* * *


Because I haven't blogged in forever I've decided to take my sister in law's approach and break this up into sections.

Section 1: Blogging.

Sigh. I just haven't had much to say. (Believe it or not.) Life has been rather routine lately and I couldn't bring myself to bore my two loyal readers. There is always something to write about, I know. But I always put it off and then just forget about it. My students say jaw dropping things everyday. I should just start a blog about that. But I'm making a resolution to blog once a week. Officially. Its not a new years resolution by any means. I wouldn't want to jinx myself.

Section 2: Work.

Walmart still sucks. But at least I only work weekends, and I've arranged it to where I can do absolutely nothing and get away with absolutely anything. I'm goooood ;)

The gym is going great. I'm teaching a lot more grade school classes on top of preschool and they added two more classes to my busy schedule, as well as set up a bed for me in the back. I officially move in on Monday. No seriously I love working with kids this age. They are hilarious and so thoughtful. I feel like they are teaching me so much more than they could ever learn from me.
Even when they are being impossible and Standing there with my hands on my hips thinking, "Come on. Stop crying. You're being ridiculous. Get off the floor. It's not the end of the world."
And then the light bulb comes on and I take a spoonful of my own medicine.

Plus this job keeps me in great shape! Who'd have thought I'd make money doing handstands? But after 4 hours a day of spotting and moving mats around I'm look pretty darn good if I do say so myself. (I LOVE MY JOB!!)

Section 3: My pipe dream.

Ugg. Still a work in progress, but I've started book number two. I just couldn't wait any longer. I was starting to hear the voices again.

Section 4: Mattykins.

Amazing. Wonderful. Perfect. And I'm not just saying that because I'm his wife. I'd be jealous if I wasn't the one who was married to him. Even at the worst times, Matt makes me smile every day. I've been through some pretty humbling trials lately and I know I never would have been able to get through anything without him, and I never will. I must be so annoying to live with and he puts up with all of it with a smile on his face. Oh man, I'm crying now.

We don't fight often, and I'm so glad for that. We've learned in the last year how to be rational with each other and have "discussions" rather than fights. However, we do have the same fight once a month. And then a few days later I find out why....

And I don't know if its because I haven't seen a lot of him lately, but he's so handsome! Since he's been on his break from school I've just been following him around our tiny apartment staring at him. We're going to have the cutest babies someday.

Anyway, he did awesome this semester. Despite his hard classes he made it out alive and with good grades. I'm so proud of him and he amazes me every day with how smart he is. I picked up his notes one day of some sort of math/chemistry/greek and was like, "You actually understand this? There aren't even hardly any numbers in it! What could this squiggle right there possibly mean?"

I'm baffled. I went way out of my budget and bought him a PSP for Christmas because I couldn't think of one reason why he didn't deserve it.


Until next time :)

Its going on twelve thirty. I really want to go to bed. But today is special. Today is BLACK FRIDAY. Im in the living room of a friend, accompained by my husband and two other poor souls who have been victimized by greedy holiday shoppers. We figure, why bother going to sleep if we have to get up in the middle of the night anyway? But I'll get to all that later. For once I want to talk about something happy.

So this week I've had a little bit of time off. I've taken full advantage of my time by wasting it all. Seriously. I didn't want to lift a finger. One day, I had a WHOLE day off and the dishes was my biggest accomplishment. I was proud.

Even the few hours I did have to work were so easy. We had open gym style classes so it was like, "okay, kids. Go play for an hour and a half while I stand over here and supervise."

Matt has had the week off school and its been nice having him home. He's using his time wisely catching up on homework and projects. I helped him write a paper, but other than that, I've felt pretty useless lately :) My manuscript is in the mail so I really didn't know what to do with myself. I spent like four hours on netflix yesterday, it was great!

Besides being away from family, Thanksgiving was pretty cool. I got out of bed at like eleven, put the carrots in the crock pot and watched the dog show for like two hours. Eventually I talked myself into getting dressed and we went to Scott and Chelsea's. Jon and Denise, another couple from WalMart, joined us and brought a REAL apple pie! For six newlywed college kids I think we did pretty good. No thanksgiving staple was neglected. After some Halo and Rockband, Matt and I went back to my apartment and managed to watch Cloverfield before we decided to take a nap. But I just couldn't sleep knowing I had to be at work in less than 5 hours...

We figured the best place to be was @ Scott and Chelea's goofing off to keep us awake. Jon has agreed to dance to Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" so I will have a mental image to haunt my dreams and will be to afraid to sleep.

I'm all about finding good holiday sales, but I wish people would understand what they are putting hardworking people through when they stand in line at 4am to buy an electronic hamster and a T.V. Because of selfish "traditions" my husband and I have to get out of our nice warm beds in the middle of the night and clock into a job we hate at 2 o'clock in the morning. My mother has an even worse fate, as she is working from 3am until 1pm. We never had a normal thanksgiving, seeing as mom was always justafiably crabby. In my house, thanksgiving was refered to as "the day before Black Friday."

If I'm not driving my point home, let's try this.

~ I hate Walmart.
~ I hate 2am
~ I hate people (in general)

Well see how this goes :)

I think I'm just not a morning person. I think that's really what my problem is. I just need a good nap.

As much as I hate my indentured servitude at Walmart, I do really like having money. Time will just have to take a back burner for now.

On a side note, having to physically demanding jobs certainly does keep me in shape :)

We worked out our holiday travel situation. Although we can't afford to go home when we want, we are going home the last week of January. I just hope I can find people to sub all my classes.....

Kicking and Screaming.

As my life is not ALL sparkles and rainbows, neither is this blog. Hence why I haven't blogged in over four weeks. Don't get me wrong! It hasn't been all bad in the least bit. Just nothing much to talk about.

Matt is doing very well in school, and I admire him for working to support us through this time as well. I know plenty of husbands that believe it is just fine to live off the government during school, and am blessed that I am not married to one of them.

At this particular moment in time, at 8:02am on this October morning, I'm feeling utter exhaustion. I love my job. I've managed to pick up 13 classes a week (plus misc hours) I wish there was an opportunity for more. (possibly in January.) Since there is not, and I must atone for my miss spent youth, I work at Walmart on the weekends, and I continue to dread it every day of the week.

I'm not sure *exactly* what it was I did to deserve the punishment of giving up my weekends (and watching everyone else enjoy theirs) for minimum wage, and working on the worst shopping days of the year. But the real kicker is that even though Matthew and I work ourselves to the point of exhaustion, we probably won't be able to afford the small fortune it will cost to go home AFTER the holidays.

Alright, I think my bitch fest is finally over. I am very grateful for one of my jobs and Matthew is grateful for his. We are able to live a humble, yet very comfortable lifestyle with minimal debt. But if I am being forced (yes, forced. There are no other jobs. I've checked. And after 5 years I'm tired of working two jobs) to work at Walmart, I'm going to do it kicking and screaming the whole time :)

Out of the mouth of babes.

So now I'm teaching more classes a week than I can keep track of and one of those is a girl's level one class with kids that are like at the first grade, kindergarten age.

One of the girls was kind of quiet and not really opening up, so I made a comment about how cool her Hannah Montana leo was. She gave me a shy nod in response, but this other girl piped up and said, and I quote:

"Yeah, but she takes her clothes off and lets people take pictures of her naked."

My response: "......................I did not know that..........let's have a cartwheel contest....."

The Next Step

At this small moment in time, I'm feeling a bit discouraged.

Matt and I had a long discussion today which mostly consisted of him trying to convince me to send out my book. It started when I announced to him that I will soon be starting the next one - as it has been on my mind constantly for the last week. He doesn't think that is the best idea because there are other things to concentrate on in my book world.

Like publishing.

Ugg. While I have made the decision to submit to agents first, (considering I even decide to start the whole process)I haven't done much else. I know this process will be tedious, time consuming, and heartbreaking. So forgive me if my attitude isn't so gung ho.

Despite the fact that I've given my book to my mom and two friends, and not one of them has commented back, (Don't worry Aubs, I know you're swamped in a "real life.")tonight I've begun to research the impossible steps to finding a literary agent. My book has a strong Christian angle, so at least my sights are narrowed a bit. But for goodness sake....

Road Block #1.
Most agents and publishers won't even look twice at you if you've never been published before. Well that seems a bit redundant, but seeing that I don't yet rule the world, it will be something I have to find a way around.

Road Block #2.
Most agents who do sign unpublished authors were refereed to them by friends or other clients. This would be fine, except I'm pretty sure Bill Meyer and Orson Scott Card wouldn't give me the time of day. Its too bad I'm not trying to break into the music industry - if so, I could have just called up Gabe from Cobra Starship. Isn't life ironic?

Road Block #3.
In a query letter, agents like to see writing credentials. I.e. contests you've won, short stories you've had published, magazines that have featured your writing. I learned that from a well known auto technical writer. Unfortunately though, he won't be opening up any doors for me in the publishing industry since I have a restraining order on his step son. *rolls eyes* Give me a break.

By the way, the only thing in my name that might constitute as writing credentials is my flimsy associates degree in Creative Writing and the occasional poems and short stories I've had humbly published in their school magazine.

Road Block #4.
It's been advised that one way to "get your name out there" is to start a writing blog. First of all, how do you attract a lot of attention on a blog when you are just like everyone else? No one cares. And Twitter is highly recommended. *shutters.* I loath Twitter. There is only one thing more evil in this world that starts with "TWI" and if you are an avid reader of mine than I need to go no further. I'm sorry, I'm just not that self involved that I feel the need to have my friends updated with texts forty times a day as to what I'm doing and how I deeply sorrowful I am for the families of random dead celebrities. Who am I, Jay Z?


And ya know, I've thought about it, and I really don't want to parade myself around on the internet saying, "Check me out! I'm an 'author.'" From the beginning I've made the decision to keep very quiet about this expedition. I've chosen a pen name because I, personally, don't want to be famous. It would be just too hard to stay humble if too many people liked my work and knew my name. I just want to live a quiet life with my family, and do what I love.

I'm finding out that unobtainable dream may be a lot harder to come by than I thought.

Don't Tell Anyone...

I have a confession to make....

I love doing my laundry. It's just so neat! Clothes with stains go in. Clean, good smelling clothes come out. It's magical!

Anyway, so far it's been a pretty peaceful night. Matt is out in the woods somewhere (Which must be far away because there are no forests as far as the eye can see.)doing research for one of his classes that ends in "ology" and won't be home til after mid-night. Aubrey and Kenny stopped by about dusk and surprised me with a visit. So the three of us and the dogs sat on the lawn while I ate my dinner. Harley and Torque did really well, not begging too much. But Torque did sneeze in my water.

Oh well. A little dog slobber never hurt anyone.

My night ended with a luxurious bubble bath, complete with candles. I'm not going to wait up for Matt, but instead retire early in hopes that I will be functional at 6am. Wish me luck!

This and That.

The seven week break came and went as fast as a good night's sleep. We got a lot accomplished on our list, including a much needed unexpected trip down to Utah to visit Sara and Nathan and their little dudes. I really wish we lived closer to family. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching their lives pass me right by.

We also took a short week out of our busy lives to visit our families in Missouri. I miss my mom. We had such a fun time and I love how the inlaws have made efforts to bond, but I touched down in Rexburg feeling a bit more nostalgic than anything. My parents house has changed so much since I left. Mt room is purple now. My sister's room is a tea room. Even the place I use to eat isn't the same. My grandmother is gone. It made me realize that whether I like it or not, I live in Idaho. BYU Idaho.

So I've been trying to make the best of it. But since the college kids have come back, it's been more difficult. I've been trying to tell myself, that it's not that I "don't fit in," but rather, "I'm unique." It's a good thing. At least I'm telling myself that.

Work has kept me busy. I've started working alot more hours during the week at the Gym, just like I wanted. Last week I even got to sub a few extra classes. This means I am down to working only Friday and Saturday at Wal-Mart. It's a much smoother schedule, but it has had me so mixed up the last two weeks. I've been kinda spacey, forgetting to do important things like eat dinner and pay bills. (That reminds me, I need to make myself some pasta.)

I'll admit, Aubrey's move has had me a little preoccupied too - at least mentally. Last Monday I made myself her slave and helped her clean her apartment for our anal retentive landlords. Luckily, she let me go early. I really miss her at church, but we've still found ways to keep our friendship in tact. She brought her dogs over to take a walk with Matt and I. Just a few days ago I made the drive out to her house to meet her mom and grandma who were in town.

I have found myself a bit confused as to what to do with my spare time now that I've finished "The Book." Yes, it is written. And I'm quite happy with it. (except the first three chapters are kinda weird, like the edits didn't save or something. Gotta fix that.) Not sure what I'll do with it. It's kinda just floating in a random thought bubble above my head for the moment. I'm not sure I have the guts to send it to someone who will make it worth my while. Still deciding.....In any case I will probably start the second one soon. I've felt very inspired for it lately.

I did leave a copy with my mom before I left Missouri. But she has yet to even make a comment about it. Though she has told me about the books she's reading from real authors.

Speaking of writing, I've updated the Chinese Chicken blog, and I'll be adding more in a few minutes. Only 50 entries to go now. I know it might seem stupid, but it's interesting for me to revisit my old thoughts and finally understand why I did what I did. If only I could understand those things now...

I guess maybe in ten years I'll right a blog explaining this blog. Lol.

IOU

I promise to update soon. I really do. Last two full days of the last full week of Walmart. Shoot me now.

Hmmm....

Okay, so until Aubrey comes over and shows me how to post a link correctly, you can find the blog at www.boysbitchinandchinesechicken.blogspot.com

chinesechicken.blogspot.com was already taken.

Check this out!!!

So I've been getting these emails from onlinediary.org. Usually I just send them to my trash box but in a fit of frustration I finally opened one....

The site sent me an email to remind me of a blog I started when I was 19! Of course I immediately read all 65 entries. I laughed so hard I cried! I couldn't believe what a stupid funny girl I used to be. (I know some of you would question whether much has really changed.) I wanted to hug my little teenage self and smack her with a shoe at the same time!

I just have to share this. So I'm starting an additional blog where I will post a few entries at a time and attempt to explain myself and breakdown exactly how things went wrong. If you want to read it, it's called "Boys, B***hin',and Chinese Chicken" and I will post a link up here in the corner.

To give you the run down, it's about the 19 year old me who was working her way through college at a stuffy library job to pay for a car that she hated. All the while stuck in a relationship that she didn't really take seriously and "unintentionally" cheated on the poor jerk every chance she got. And all along the stupid girl never seems to figure out her best friend is in love with her. For some reason I don't understand now. (Don't worry, I promise it's all P.G. I mean, come on, my mom could have been secretly reading it the whole time....jk.)

Oh the boys! Oh the drama!

This is going to be good.

20-something random things of Happiness!!

I've had a wickedy wack vacation, full of twists and turns, and delightful antidotes. But ironically I'm more in the mood to write about this:

20 some odd things that make me happy!
(in no particular order. That takes too much thought.)



1. Ice cream! I have only fond memories when it comes to ice cream.

2. The Big Bang Theory. If you don't know what I'm talking about, get out of farmville, unglue your cell phone from your hand and flip on the local channels during Monday prime time. Pure hilarity genius.

3. Delving into a good book.

4. Taking a walk on a breezy sunset.

*****side note******
I'm totally laughing at myself because I feel like I'm filling out one of those cheezy personal ads.

5. Picking out my outfit for the day....go ahead, ridicule away.

6. Creating characters and their stories.

7. Watching Matt drum the tune of a song he likes on the steering wheel.

8. The Office. We own all seasons on DVD.

9. Doggies! Someday we will own as many as the law allows.

10. Payday!

11. Spontaneous road trips.

12. Laughing.

13. Seeing my kids (students) smile excitedly and knowing I had a small part in that.

14. Being pleasantly surprised after taking a risk on an indie film from the Red Box.

15. Finding smart ways to save money. And then spending it on what I really want anyway :)

16. Going to church.

17. Scented candles.

18. Aubrey Johnson.

19. Going to the movies!! Cuddling up to Matt is fun, but most of the time it's better to go with my girlfriends. I usually end up seeing what I want to see, and we can laugh with each other and whisper comments.

20. My cute new phone. It was like we were made for each other. I spotted it in the store and said, "Oh, hello there." When I pressed my fingers up against the glass to get a closer look, it smiled at me :) We've been happy ever since.

21. Snack Wraps. While I no longer have to live off of them, I still crave them often.

22. Chinese food. Its what I eat when I'm treating myself.

23. My boat. Its a whole other world out there on the open water with my dad. And now my hubby :)

24. Sleeping in - waking up on my own terms. I'm a much happier person through out the day if this happens.

25. Flip flops. If I'm wearing flip flops, not only is it a nice day out, but I'm also not at work!

26. Halloween and Fourth of July.

7 Week Break

So I realize my last blog might have been a little harsh to those who live around me. I know I'm probably getting my fair share of payback for my noisy party days. But I still have the right to complain, right?

Anyway, Matthew is done with his summer semester of school and now has a 7 week break! This will free us so much time for us, as my hours at WM have been cut back a little bit too. We've really struggled this summer to spend time together and do fun things so we decided to make a list of fun activities we can do over the next seven weeks. Here are a few of my ideas:


Picnic in the Sand Dunes - we found this perfect little spot in the sand dunes that would be great for an afternoon picnic.

Play laser tag - this new place just opened up in town. We haven't played laser tag since before we left Missouri!

Visit home - in August we are planning a trip home to go to the Lake of the Ozarks with our family. My parents go every year but this year will be great since Matt and Kaye and Frank are coming.

Explore the caves - back home, Matt talked about these a lot but we have yet to go explore them.

Cook 5 new recipes - in the busy bustle of it all my cooking has been slacking. I only do it on nights when we are both home, so you can guess how often that happens, but whats worse is that I've fallen into a routine of the same recipes. Tonight we are making chicken and dumplings. Never made them before - never even tried them until two weeks ago!

Hike "R" mountain. I hear people talking about it all the time and it sounds so fun!

Have a date at the drive-in - I've never been to one. It sounds so "old school." We are going to get slushies from Sonic before we go.

So I'll keep you posted. I'm looking forward to our adventurous summer :)

I'm Too Sexy

Seriously? No one had anything to say about hardcore dance lessons? Sigh. you people...

Moving on. It seems as though everyone in the complex is...moving. Except of course for the people I would like to see gone. My BFF-I Aubrey is leaving in August, which I'm bummed about but at least she will only be fifteen minutes away. I saw a few moving vans today, but not as many as I had hoped.

Do I want to move, you ask? Yes and no. After a year here, and seeing EVERYONE else take internships or graduate I am antsy to move on with our lives but I've realized Rexburg is an annoying town in general so there really is no need to move to another apartment. I've moved three times since last June, so my roots have been planted if not for any other reason than exhaustion.

Although whoever designed my building must have been a little dyslexic. Our bedroom window faces the noisy street, of all places - and our living room window looks right into the living rooms of our obnoxious neighbors in building two.

Winter will be better, I'm hoping. Its too cold for most creatures to survive so they shut themselves up in their homes and only annoy each other. Last Christmas was amazing - we were the only ones here out of the entire complex! I know this is kinda sad because that means we were the only losers with no place to go on Christmas, but the peace and quiet was a Christmas Miracle I wouldn't trade for anything. (Ok, truth is I would have killed to be with my family and if it weren't for Wal-Mart I would have, but I'm trying to look on the bright side.)

On a happier note: Last week was probably the highlight of my summer so far :) Laura, Aubrey's BFF-M, came into town on a quest to med a broken heart. The three of us did lots of girly things like "chick flic at the cheap theater" "girl's only appitizers" and of coarse, shopping!

We had to search high and low, but we finally found a bathing suit that fits me well, and that I actually like! Like most women, bathing suit shopping is something I loath. I haven't been able to fit into the junior size string triangle tops (which seems to be all they make now a days) since I got my braces off. And the "adult" bathing suits always make me look like I'm hiding something underneath the thick lining and bold patterns.

Leave it to Aubs to really know when "I could do better" and what looks good on me. She picked out a swim suit top that made the music cue up. You know, when you're in the dressing room and you slip on something that MUST have been designed especially for you - and that strange music comes on in the background. Mostly that "I'm too sexy" song. Sometimes the Ting Tings. And the Spice Girls for some reason.

Whatev. You guys already knew I was a huge dork.



























"colors of the world! SPICE UP YOUR LIFE every boy and every girl! SPICE UP YOUR LIFE"

This is what I learned today....

Awesome Day!!

EXCITING HAPPY NEWS!!!

At the gym today I found out that I am going to be hired on next fall. As you know, I was really afraid this wouldn't happen since they are downsizing and I am not a gymnast. But I guess I'm lucky all the gymnasts are busy during the day ;P I'll be teaching pretty much all the preschool classes and a new girl's level one class. I've taught level one rec class this summer, which is a little different. It's usually just for kids that do gymnastics in the summer, but it's offered at a discount price in order to draw the kids in and develop and interest. The level one during the school year is mostly made up of kids that are a bit more "serious."

I have about 12 1/2 hours of teaching, but that doesn't include subbing and any office hours I might have. My raise is also still a mystery too...that's because my boss hasn't actually mentioned any of this too me. The receptionist happen to mention the fall schedule was made and I asked her sneak it out for me to peek at. So I don't know about how much the raise will be. Depending on everything else, more than likely I will still be at Wal-Mart on the weekends. But that's something I can live with.

This is really exciting because the parents have been asking me what my schedule will be in the fall. I know I'm doing a good job when the parents ask me stuff like that. And when my little ones will run up to me in public and give me a big hug. And when their moms tell me they've been asking about gymnastics all week. And when I get discounts at the stores their parents work at, and the kids come in with pictures they drew for me. This job is so much more than a paycheck to me. I've never had a job more rewarding than teaching what I love. I was really sad when I had to leave the dance studio and am so glad I found a similar job out here in Idaho. And I am so happy that I get to spend more time doing it :)

IN OTHER NEWS>>>>>

****warning. This part may get a little...personal. maybe a little TMI***

So I went to the doctor today to get a refill of birth control. I've been out for about a month and have been dreading going on it again. Since I am prone to migraines, I have to be on progesterone-only pills. In the year I have been using them, I've gained a noticeable amount of weight and feel bloated about 85% of the time. I lead a pretty active lifestyle, but this doesn't seem to matter. I was much thinner when I wasn't on BC and less active. There is this other thing I could use, but it's like...really weird...and twice as expensive.

Girls, you totally know what I'm talking about. It sucks feeling like you're going to start 3 weeks out of the month. And when your favorite clothes are a bit to snug, you don't feel like yourself. And when you don't feel like yourself you don't feel sexy. And when you don't feel sexy you don't feel like...you know. And then you feel like your hubby doesn't think you are sexy. So why even be on BC in the first place? It's a vicious circle.

While in this vicious circle I've taken some headache medicine that later I found out had caffeine in it. It made me a little light headed, but the next morning I didn't feel bloated and I looked like a bikini model. Once, Aubrey gave me some Pamprin and it had the same effect. Someone told me the ingredients are similar in diet pills. So I got a bright idea.

I told Matt I would only go back on BC if I could take diet pills to counteract with the bloating. It supposedly won't have an effect on the success of the BC pills themselves. He's very skeptical of this experiment but willing to let me try it. Not before giving me all the warnings first. He made me promise I won't get addicted to them and that I won't let them make me sick. But I'm not worried. I'm not trying to loose a significant amount of weight, and I won't take them everyday - just to counteract the bloating.

I took some about 4 hours ago, right before lunch. I noticed that I only ate half of what I normally do before my stomach felt full, which is cool. Now I'm feeling kinda weird. Like I'm REALLY full. And I'm a little dizzy. But I just read on the bottle your suppose to take only one pill the first day. Not two like I did. You only start taking too after the third day, but I probably won't, cuz I don't like feeling this way. Other than that, I don't notice anything different.

Except I did just type 50 words in the last 4.5 seconds. Weird. Anyway, let me know if any of you guys have tried this and how it worked out for you.

The Black Hole of Debt

Sorry over a week has gone by. Not much to report except that I didn't have a hairline fracture in my ankle. (Duh!) I'm still glad.

Matt got his loans and grants and stuff approved. He showed me how much we are getting and I was floored. Matt is really excited, even though I've reminded him that is money we have to pay back.

For a while I was thinking about going back to school and majoring in Dance since they just made that a major. I wasn't really going to announce this until I came to a final decision. A few obstacles have come in my path so far, but now I'm convinced it's not going to happen.

I just started to think about the debt we are racking up. Sure, Matt is saving money by attending BYU, but what about vet school? I'm not exactly sure how much it's going to cost but I know its a fortune. Then, in 47 years when we finally leave BYU we will have to buy another car, maybe two, and not to mention a house. We might have a kid on the way, if my eggs haven't shriveled up by then.

Of course Matt justifies this by saying, "I'll be making enough money by the time all that hits." And of course, I have to be the barer of bad news and remind him that he won't be making a dime. Most likely, after vet school there will be few opportunities, if any, to hire on straight away as a full time veterinarian. So most likely we will open up our own clinic and spend all our money on overhead and bring ourselves further into the black hole of death - I mean "debt."

So really, looking at it now, it would be selfish of me to put us further into the inevitable by racking up more student loans. I was really looking forward to it, but my "job" right now is to work and put him through school, so that maybe someday we can swim with our heads above water.

My First Gymnastic Injury!!!!

It's been brought to my attention that normal people would not be excited about this. But to me, it feels like I've reached a milestone. I am an official gymnastics coach. I've sprained my ankle doing a straddle jump.

Well, I sprained my ankle doing an incorrect straddle jump. I was demonstrating to my 8/9 year olds the difference between the correct and incorrect technique for a jump, and apparently I demonstrated the latter a bit too well. I only hope I got my point across.

It was actually quite embarrassing, going down in front of my kids. But I finished the rest of the class sitting on a trap mat, and put my ankle up on ice for about fifteen minutes before starting my next class. I was walking with barely any pain, which is good, because you can't coach two hours of preschool sitting down with an ice pack.

Growing up in dance, (and Girl Scouts) I quickly learned the difference between a twist, a sprain, and a broken ankle. At first I thought it was a twist, because of the minimal pain and only a hint of swelling. But since I've gotten home, the swelling has intensified, bruising has set in, and I'd be lying if I said it felt normal.

My mom called and said the same thing had happened to her and it turned out to be a hairline fracture and she was on crutches for 8 weeks.

Ha! There is NO WAY I can be on crutches for 8 weeks. Once, I sprained my ankle in high school and was laid up for two wonderful weeks, but I can't be on crutches for two months. But I also can't let it go and have it bother me years down the road when I'm trying to teach dance classes.

Maybe I'm over thinking it, but I'm going to go get it X-rayed tomorrow. My mother has always had a way of freaking me out and making me paranoid.

jk. I love you, mom.

So Bored!

Good News:
Management never said anything to me about "el incidente." Which means I will either quit or be fired on my own terms. I'm amazed at the things I've gotten away with there. Or rather, the things I've not gotten caught doing.

****side note****

A few people were concerned about Matt getting angry with the prank and reporting it. For one, I would be a little frustrated too if I thought I wasn't going to get paid for a day because I couldn't fix what was wrong because I didn't speak Spanish. Second of all, he had to report the incident to Personel so they could go into the computer and find the message he missed.

****that is all*****

Anyway, still not a lot of fun to report. While Matt is in school and working, I've hung out with Aubrey a little. A few walk-and-talks or workouts here and there. For no particular reason she challenged me to blog 20 or so things that make me happy. So I'll do that sometime in the next week. Stay tuned!

Lastly, I REALLY hope 4th of July, my favorite holiday, is fun. Matt has to work that night (surprise, surprise) so I'm not counting on it, but we'll see.

Unemployed? Me???

Going with the theme of getting crapped on for the last week and a half, fate decided to threaten my job.

It seems there is a chance I will be fired from Wal-mart. At this point I am still in a state of shock and am not sure how to feel or react to this. It does suck though. Since I will more than likely be fired from the job I actually like come August.

Let me explain:

During my 9 hour, mundane Monday, I was growing so crazy with boredom, I decided to play a practical joke on my hubby. In the midst of the fabulous remodel we got a fancy new time clock. One of these high tech new features is that you can change the language it uses for you to Spanish.

*I just couldn't resist.*

So even though it is a HUGE offense to use another persons badge, I swiped Matt's and left him a little surprise. Turns out though, that since the universe is pulling against me, an "error message" came up for Matt but it was of course in Spanish so Matt has no idea what it says. It may be a "missed punch" and he might not be paid for his day of work on the 27th because he wasn't able to correct it.

Matt was furious. Even though it was a practical joke gone awry, I got an earful. He already told Personnel what I did and they will probably report it to a manager. Who will then decide what to do with me. Swiping someone else's time card is no funny business. And I shouldn't have done it, but how was I to know?

I'm so stupid. When will I learn?

I always thought I would get fired from Wal-Mart because I am going to snap one day. In my fit of crazed rage I thought I might take one of those shotguns to the T.V.s that play the same 5 commercials over and over all day long. I might have ripped down the twilight display, or thrown someone into it. (who deserved it of course.) Or my personal favorite, sucker punched one of the other associates. (who deserved it of course.)

But not this. This is the lamest reason ever to get fired. Fired. From Wal-Mart. Eggghhh.

Exhaling...

Well, today was probably the most frustrating day I've had at Wal-Mart. But I'm happy to report that I've gotten through it with most of my sanity in tact. I couldn't have done it without my dear husband. I came home for lunch and he let me sob and cry until before I knew it he was making me laugh again.

Things at work are just crazy right now. We are remodeling so departments are scattered at random places around the store. Everyday I walk in and the store looks completely different. So of course, most costumers are confused and a bit agitated. I get a lot of eye rolls and very few "thank you's," but I can deal with that. What really bugs me are the temp hires, the people in charge of the remodel. They have always annoyed me but today I actually had to work with them.

My area was moving, and because I have a shoulder injury, I have to do things a certain way so I don't hurt it worse and Wal-Mart doesn't get sued. I suppose these remodel people deemed my way too slow and started taking over. I won't go into it, but no one at the store has been more rude to me on so many occasions in just one day. And been so childish about it, although it doesn't surprise me, seeing that they are probably all college students or recent high school grads. I hate teenagers. Even when I was one.

And of course, when I stand up for myself, I'm the one who ends up looking like the cat strangler.

But Matty makes it all better. I'm so lucky to be with someone who understands me, but doesn't take my side just because we are married, and he has too. I'm so glad we laugh at the same things, because lately I haven't been laughed with often.

Tonight he gets off at 9:30, so we won't have much time together, but we are planning a romantic evening of Chinese take-out and Netflix, before I have to go to bed early to go back to Wal-Mart in the morning.

Shtuff.

I'm listening to Third Eye Blind and acoustic Paramore so you can tell what kind of week it's been. I'm really trying not to be emo right now so I'll just focus on the good things.

Matt's still doing really well in school. I can tell everything is taking it's toll on him but he's still hanging in there.

To my amazement, Wal-mart gave me 4th of July off so I will be able to work in the parade for the gym. Courtney has asked to know what hours I "would like" to work next Fall. Because it's the only thread of hope I have to cling to, I'm taking that as a good sign. But I have been fooled before.

I'm really looking forward to my vacation coming up in August, and seeing all of our families. But I can't order plane tickets yet because Matt can't pull together a ride to Salt Lake for Warp Tour the day we are suppose to fly out. We "have no choice" but to go to Warp Tour because "I Set My Friends On Fire" is playing. You Tube them. They are the second most horrible piece of underground pop culture on this planet.

Micheal Jackson is no longer on this side of life. No more scary pictures and creepiness. We always have his oldies, at least.

Well, I guess that's it. Four things is pretty good considering the day I've endured.

Neighbors.

Growing up on farm land where everyone generally goes to bed at ten o'clock, you get very accustom to the peace and quiet. A lake and a forest separated us from our closest neighbors. I played by myself a lot as a kid. My sister didn't care for Barbies much, so I would usually play alone in my room or explore the enchanted woods with my faithful old dog. Since none of my friends were within walking distance, I found other ways to entertain myself, like catching tad-poles or reading in trees.

Eventually my wild streak took a hold of me and I began to crave more social attention. At 21, I decided to move into an apartment across from the dance studio with my friend's girlfriend. As much fun as my new found freedom was, it took a long time for me to get used to all the elements of living on my own; especially having neighbors.

For the first few months, every time a car would pull up in the parking lot, I would run to the window to see who it was. Sometimes I could hear their conversations...and their domestic disputes. Most of the people in my building had between 4-6 kids by a couple of different dads, so they let their filthy little rug rats run around outside while they worked. The kids got home from school around three, so my naps were few and far between.

All in all it wasn't so bad. I had more trouble getting use to my night owl roommates. Even if they were just watching a movie in the living room I couldn't sleep. Because I'm such a light sleeper I started to wear ear plugs. The problem was I would leave them in all night and sleep through my alarm.

A few nights a week I would be awoken by a drunken brawl out in the parking lot. I didn't mind these so much either. It was like watching COPS Live. A few times I even got to talk to the police as a witness. I saw the cops break up several parties (including my roommate's) I saw my neighbor cheating on her boyfriend, countless arrests, and once I saw this guy get run over by a truck. (Don't worry, he's fine now.) I would be really tired the next day, but the stories I got to tell my cubical mates were totally worth it.

The summer before I got married I moved into my grandparent's vacant house to save money. They lived in a subdivision where everyone was collecting social security and went to bed by eight. With no roommates and boring neighbors, I would have slept great, if it weren't for the spiders lurking around ever corner....

Then I came to Rexburg. Good ol' Rexburg. I figured since everyone in my apartment complex was married and sober, I wouldn't have any problems sleeping. I've never been more wrong.

I understand it's not my fault if I hear them talking or watching T.V., but I shouldn't have to listen to their exciting game of Pictionary after midnight on a Friday when I am forced to get up before dawn. It also doesn't help that our bedroom window faces the street where the rebellious teenagers run up and down yelling and screaming like escaped chimps from the zoo. They like to park at the school down the street and get high. Maybe I'm being a whiney baby, but I don't think any hard working person should have to endure that.

I have my own way of dealing with these people. In Missouri, I found it was best to be polite when making complaints, and act grateful and appreciative when they promise to keep it down. This usually works until the next night. After your first complaint, the neighbors will probably invite you in for a beer. But once you explain you have an office job where you have to get up early, they usually either get the picture or are so stunned someone chooses to work during the daylight they don't ask anymore questions.

This polite method works in Missouri because most people are so used to being yelled and cussed at they find a friendly demeanor out of the ordinary and refreshing. Most people are more friendly and open to suggestion when they are drunk anyway. Unless they are drinking Jagger or whiskey, but that's another White Trash Ethics lesson.

If however, a popped collar, vintage polo wearing tard responds to my first approach negatively, reacting with slurred curse words, I simply insult his limited vocabulary until he his so confused he either passes out or swaggers off somewhere to puke.

People in Rexburg are different though. For one, most of them are sober. Second, they ARE friendly. So they are immune to politeness and reason. (Believe me, I've already tried.) You have to resort to a more "creative" arsenal against them.

I don't like cussing. I really don't. But it certainly gets the point across to someone who's never uttered a potty word.

Cussing is my last resort. When annoying, bellowing laughter, or gallivanting in the street arises, I first asses the situation. Is it after 11? If not, I wait until then to take action. (I'm not an old fogey, after all.) Is it continuous or just a moment of spontaneous noise? Where is it comming from? The farther away it is, the angrier I get. If you're in the building across from me, I shouldn't hear you.

After taking all of these aspects in to consideration, I take action. With a crossed brow and an harsh tone I will stick my head out the window or the door and sternly remind them that it is after eleven and they need to *please* be quiet for the sake of us who actually have jobs. Most of the time this works. But when I get snottily back talked, they leave me no choice.

Saying the word "hell" usually gets the point across. Making slightly violent threats will most of the time shut them up. But the "f" word leaves them stunned. On rare instances, I have gone to bed with a guilty conscience, but that's the sacrifice you have to make around here sometimes to get a peaceful night's rest :)

Happy Birthday Mattykins!!!

The so-called "weekend" had its ups and downs, but best of all it was Matt's birthday, and I got to celebrate it with him!

Last year, he was here at school and I was back home so I couldn't do much. We were engaged at the time and I had to add him to my phone plan anyway, so I decided to do it in secret and send him a posh new phone in the mail. He was pretty excited, but the surprise didn't even hold a candle to the prank his dad pulled on him from 1,800 miles away. It was pretty bad. The "FBI" was involved. *snickers*

This year I decided Matt needed a surprise party. I had one on my seventeenth birthday and from then on I decided EVERYONE needs a surprise party at least once in their life. Those of you who have been blessed with one know all about those string tied warm fuzzies that are attached to a party thrown in your honor. So for about two weeks Aubrey and I schemed and plotted, so when Matt and I went to their house for "sunday dinner" he was completely stunned when he opened the door and saw all his friends and was bombarded with balloons.

I can honestly say we pulled it off with success. I've planned many parties in my day, but few without alcohol. So I was a little nervous about the energy level, especially since it was a Sunday evening. (That was literally the only night, besides his birthday, that we could be together.) But I made sure there was lots of food, music, and guitar hero, and I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time.

****side note****
When I was secretly shopping for the party supplies, I felt like I was buying for a little kid's birthday party; candy, balloons, guitar hero gift bags, Transformer plates...

This past Friday was Matt's actual birthday. I, of course, had to work all day, but luckily the birthday boy had the day off. He actually called and asked me if he could stay home from school that day! After a fit of laughter I agreed, since his grades are good. But then he went ahead and attended one of his classes anyway. Aww....I'm so proud:)

After I got home we headed out to Idaho Falls for a night out. It was really refreshing. We were trying to remember the last time we went "out on the town" just the two of us. Sometimes money was an issue, but most of the time we just haven't had the opportunity. We started off the evening at the mall, just bumming around. Matt picked out some CDs he wanted to pirate, and I picked out some new jeans for him. Matthew only owns two pairs of jeans; one of them has more holes than The Obama Religion Conspiracy and the other is so baggy you could sneak an AK-47 into a daycare. Neither of them do I want my parents to see him in.

Next we went out to dinner. Of all places, Matt decided on TGI Fridays. It's times like this I miss Shoguns and Monsoon. But the food was good. I'm *pretty sure* the hostess didn't spit in our food, even after the sour look she gave me when I asked her to move us from underneath the speaker that was blasting the announcers from some hockey game.

I think the best part of the night was going to the nice movie theater in Idaho Falls. I couldn't get over how beautiful the interior was! I guess we've just gone to what I like to refer to as the Three Dollar Shantee too long.

After a little debating Matt decided on Star Trek. I went into the film a bit skeptical, since I've never even seen the show. But it only took about a half an hour for me to fall in love with every one of those pointy eared, spandex donning, crazy characters. Loved it. I have a few, microscopic complaints. Can you believe it? It doesn't really take that much to impress me, people. Just smart, well developed characters, and interesting story, emotion, a dash of humor, believable action, and a string to leave me hanging for more. That's all there really is to say.

We got home really late Friday night, but I was looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday since I switched my shift with someone so they could spend their birthday with their spouse. But alas, Saturday was the morning of the Dam Marathon, and of all the streets in Rexburg they decided to jog down mine. So I awoke at 8am to more hoots and hollers.

*sigh*

This is where that BB gun would come in handy, but Matt knows my true intentions, so he won't let me have one....and neither will anyone else in the sporting goods sections since they have all been warned....

But Saturday turned around when Matt and I snuggled in the living room and watched one of his favorite movies, Donnie Darko. I can't believe I've never watched this incredible film before. It was rated "R" but had it been made now-a-days, I'm pretty sure it would just be PG-13. For those of you who are deprived of this genius work of art, it's a film about a schizophrenic teenager who is instructed by a six foot tall bunny rabbit named Frank to go back in time to stop the end of the world. It sounds bogus but is actually pretty creepy. And hilarious. FREAKIN hilarious. I'm not really sure if it's suppose to be so funny, but I couldn't help myself. It was just pure psycho goodness.

I did find a frightening relation between myself and the jaded English teacher. And the Chinese fat girl. Maybe in an alternate universe the Chinese fat girl grows up to be the English teacher. But I digress....

I miss my husband.

When my meltdown began, I really thought my blogging hiatus would last longer than a week. But I just don't have time to sit and feel sorry for myself. After a while I get sick of living with my own envy, and it takes too much energy to hate everything anyway.

I'd like to apologize if my last blog seemed harsh or if you were offended by my accusations. I know everyone has hard times in their life, and no one's circumstances fall exactly into place. But it sure seems that way to an outsider's eyes. I see couples strolling leisurely down the sidewalk, picking out dinner at the grocery store, and buying real furniture on a Saturday afternoon when they've never worked a day in their life. I can't remember the last time I lumped Friday, Saturday, and Sunday together into a "weekend." It drives my hatred even further when people say, "Have a great weekend!" The weekends mean nothing to us...

I've realized that Matt and I spent more time together when we were dating. Even in college when I worked eleven hour days I would stop by his house around nine and spend a couple hours with him. But now, by the time he strolls in at 11:30 I'm already in bed, so I can be up bright and early for the next day. There have been several occasions when we actually pass each other on the stairs. During the first part of the semester, he wasn't suppose to work Wednesdays or Sundays, but Wal-Mart doesn't give a crap about study groups or family time I guess.

Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a very independent person. I'm not like those wives that has to eat with their husband every night and can't fall asleep without him. No offense, that stuff just doesn't faze me. I lived on my own and alone for quite sometime before he came along. But I got married so I wouldn't HAVE to be alone anymore.

This semester is just crazy I guess. Matt's going to school and putting in the same amount of hours when he wasn't in school, and I've increased my hours at both jobs as well. So we have "all the money in the world" but no time.

I am completely happy with the 2 out of the 3 aspects of my life. I truly believe I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He's wonderful. He even helps me out around the house and never complains about the long hours he puts in. I adore my humble one bedroom abode. I think it's just perfect for the two of us. But for reasons I don't really want to share, I hate one of my jobs. So much I get depressed when I spend a full day there. I get even more depressed when I see or read about my peers who are doing just as well as us financially, if not better, who don't work, or only put in 10 -15 hours a week. I just don't understand how they do it. During my fits of jealous stewing I've gone over the math a hundred times and it never comes out right! I wish I knew their magical secrets. Because I hate my job and I miss my husband...

A few people have suggested that I just quit Wal-Mart since it doesn't make me happy anyway, but I know that's just not smart. I do envy those who have time to just do whatever they want all day, but I could never sit back and watch Matt bust himself to support my lazy butt. It would be different if I was in school too, or if we had children, but that is not the case. It's not fair for me too work only 10 hours a week at the gym while I could help out the family so much more. Besides, I could quit Wal-Mart, but that wouldn't free up my hubby's time, now would it? What fun are weekends if he's not around? Unfortunately, what you want isn't always right and what's right most of the time isn't what you want :P

Currently, I am trying to construct my own little "plan of happiness" that consists of coaching preschoolers, spending more time with my husband, and no Wal-Mart. But even if I come up with one, it can't go into effect until September. There may be a bit more complaining on here until then. Especially since they are already showing previews for new moon movie and I will have to brace myself for round two of the twi-tard tsunami.

But I think complaining is okay once in a while. We need a few thunderstorms to balance out all the sunshine rainbows and crap that floats around my blog circle ;)

Goodbye for now:

Until further notice I will not be blogging for a while. Nor will I be reading any other blogs. I'm tired of ranting my complaints here whilst reading about everyone else's peechy keen perfect lives.

When I decide to come out of virtual hibernation I will let you know.

This is why I'm not very competitive.

I can not remember the last time I was this frustrated.

It seems I am doomed to spend the rest of my life at Wal-Mart. Let me explain:

The gym I work at is on this new program thing they like to call, "raising the bar." They have set out this new code of guidelines we have to follow in order to be hired on next fall. These guidelines are pretty reasonable, but some are difficult for someone who has more than one job to support their family. For instance, we must attend every staff meeting and coaches clinic, or we get a strike. (Three strikes, you're fired.) Staff meetings are easy because we have them the first Wednesday every month, and I don't work Wednesday nights - for that vary reason. But Coaching Clinics are much more random. This is much harder for me to accommodate because walmart sets out the schedule three weeks in advance. I didn't find out until last week that there is a clinic tomorrow. Well guess what boys and girls, I picked up a shift at Wal-Mart tomorrow night! Two weeks ago!

With this new program, the gym has decided to "hold auditions" for who ever wants to work there next fall. In addition with being hired on in the fall, we are promised A LOT more pay, and more hours. In case you haven't guessed already, I REALLY WANT THIS!!!! But not all of us are promised a spot. Out of the ten coaches they have now, they only want to take 6-8.

So I decided I'm going to do everything in my power to get one of those positions. Wal-Mart is the only thing standing in my way. But I need Wal-Mart...right now.

When I heard about the clinic, I called my manager up, (who is Mr. Eat-Sleep-and Breathe Wal-Mart) and told him I would have to leave two hours early on my shift. Of coarse he asked why, so I told him.

He got very frustrated. "Isn't this the second time I've had to accommodate your other employer? When are they going to get their act together?" But ultimately he let me off anyway.

****Side Note***
I don't believe this manager is being completely fair. He has no idea how many times the gym has asked me to do something and I've said, "I can't. I have to work at Wal-Mart that day."

After I talked to my manager I called my boss at the gym and asked her exactly what time the clinic is. There was only a small flyer in the office and I glanced at it on my way out. She text me back and said it started a half hour earlier than what I had told my Wal-Mart manager.

I asked her if it was alright for me to wait until I was done with work and she said she would talk to her husband (the gym owner)and see. Which I think means probably not.

I am just so frustrated because I feel like I can't make anyone happy. And I am tired of never being good enough for someone or something. I want to be a full-time coach so bad, but it wouldn't be smart for me to quit Wal-Mart before I am guaranteed that position. But right now it looks like I won't be considered unless I quit Wal-Mart.

Does anyone have anything to say or advise? I'm at my wits end. If you were ever going to leave a comment, now would be the best time.

Keepin' It Real

I've learned that "promise" is a strong word. If you say it, people will hold you to it.

But I don't mind. I really didn't know so many people read this silly thing.

So what's been up with us, you ask? A LOT of nothing...if that makes sense. As a couple been doing really good, but I've lacked motivation lately. I think my problem is I try to accomplish too much in one day, and when the sun sets and I'm still looking at my To Do list I feel like I've failed.

Today Matt literally dragged me out of the church pew and made take on a walk with him so I could "smell the posies." We spent the rest of Sacrament in the wind and the sunshine. And we wondered about how much bird poop was on top of the temple.

I'm happy to report that I haven't had a migraine in over two weeks! Last week we took a trip to Idaho Falls to get me some glasses. When I put them on for the first time and gazed out at the parking lot, it was like I was seeing Idaho for the first time. On the way home I was shouting out the names of road signs just because I could. By the end of the day I felt like I had super powers. I will now be known as Opti-Girl! I love my new glasses and Matt says they up my cute factor. <---my other super power.

Since my bout of migraines I've been very fatigued, but I mostly account that to the fact that I get up and go to one job or another six days a week. It takes a lot of effort to get me out of bed these days. Yesterday I cried when my alarm started blaring at me. My preschoolers suck the life out of me sometimes with there airplane races and constant questions. Its amazing how curious a three year old is about the world....makes you put somethings into perspective. But I love my job. Its a good day if I only have to scale up the rock wall to rescue one of them.

Funny story....
Matt asked me if I was going to wear my glasses when I taught preschool. I thought about it and said, "No, probably not." Here was my explanation: "It wouldn't be a good idea cuz I'm upside down a lot....I roll around on my head sometimes....occasionally I'll get smacked or kicked in the face...." And then I realized, that's my JOB DESCRIPTION! When did I sign up to get kicked in the face!? Haha. Good thing their feet are so little.

Other new developments have happened since spring started. I've been diligently going to workout classes with Aubrey. My favorites are Yoga, Pump It, and Water Aerobics - which kicks my but by the way! I used to think of water aerobics and picture middle aged women wading in the shallow end of the pool lifting milk jugs above their heads. Ooooh no sir! We did laps, we did crunches with noodles, we did leg kicks till the brink of death. I nearly drowned seven times! I'm not sure what I saw at the public pool when I was six but that was not water aerobics! I now know what Aubrey feels like when we do yoga.

Just because we had the money to blow, Matt and I bought Guitar Hero World Tour. Its really fun! We started our own punk band, Coward Academy. Matt is our drummer and I play guitar and sometime sing. Sometimes with a British accent. We're like the White Stripes. Except we're not brother and sister. We're married. But I promise we won't be like all those other crazy Hollywood couples. No, we keep it real. It doesn't get anymore real than Mac 'n Cheese in a one bedroom apartment.


So what have we learned boys and girls?

1. Sleeping in is the best way to spend the morning.

2. I have super powers.

3. Water Aerobics is hardcore, and don't let anyone tell you different.

Update Soon. I promise!

Stacey Dean is right. I, as well as many others, have neglected our blogs. Shame on us!

But I promise things are going great - just really busy. Matt is doing very well in school and I am getting some time off work next week.

Real post tomorrow, I promise!

Wedding Dresses

So I'm watching this show, "Say Yes to the Dress" (Trying to get my mind off my headache and nausea.)And it's absolutely killing me!

I just can't believe these people spend fortunes on a dress they will wear for one day! The real kicker is, they are only paying for a name brand. For thousands of dollars less, You can find any style dress you want online.

For $200 I sent in my measurements and got the dress of my dreams sent to me in three weeks. I'd done a lot of research, and when I saw my wedding dress, I just knew it was the one. The second I laid eyes on it, I had the same feeling that sparked in my when Matt and I danced together for the first time.

Seriously, these people have dress budgets for $6000 and their parents are like, "I really don't know how I'm gonna pay for it, but it's her 'special day' and I want her to be beautiful."

Baloney!

$6000! That's a years worth of rent for me! Seriously people? It's things like that that make me think....do you want a husband, or a wedding?

...........Okay, I'm done.

ready for summer

So, if you haven't guessed by now, Blogging hasn't been a big priority lately. But here's a little update about what we've been doing.

Easter went by, practically unnoticed. We were having some financial issues, due to the internet, we couldn't see where our money was going and when. (Don't get me started on the internet. Just don't.) So we postponed Easter baskets until the following weekend, which had nicer weather, I wore a new outfit to church, and we had Natasha and Nate over for dinner - so it felt much more like Easter.

In my basket (which was actually a flower pot) was some Nerd and sour candy, green flip flops, a kite, a Ferrero chocolate assortment, and a rubber ducky dressed like a pirate. <--- He was a big hit!


While I continue to work at the gym, and that other unmentionable place, Matthew started school. I know it's only been one week, but I've never seen him so diligent about school work. He literally goes to school, comes home and does homework, goes to work, does homework at work, and then comes home and does more homework! The real kicker is....he's in bed by 11pm. ELEVEN O'clock. Since I've known Matt, I've never seen him go to bed at 11.

Sheesh.

We had our first big fight. Matt was embarrassed because I yelled at the neighbors and I was mad because he didn't take my side. (He is waaaaaay more tolerant of teenagers than I am. I hated teenagers even when I was one.) I slept on the couch and we didn't talk for about 12 hours. Yeah, it was pretty monumental:)

We started speaking to each other again when I found out Sara (his sister) is expecting in December! I was really excited and wanted to tell him. I was anxious for us to get over the whole thing and start talking again, but I hadn't been sure what to say, since I'd already apologized. But a baby is always a good ice breaker and mender. When a baby comes along, you just kind of forget about all that petty stuff.

So yeah, we're over it. He will probably not like the fact that I shared that here, but I'm actually laughing about it now. Our first "sleeping on the couch" fight! But on a more serious note, I am working on my "people" skills.....*hehehe*

I've been trying to soak up as much time with Aubrey before she moves to another town at the end of the summer. Its worth it for me to keep working on that friendship even after she's not across the parking lot, but Matt thinks I need to make another friend. He says I'll be lonely. I know he's right, but my stomach does summer-salts every time I go up to talk to someone else.

Next topic.

So, I guess I'll talk about it now that Matt has told practically everyone he sees. The book is....written. We've been editing together. Surprisingly, it's really fun, and a lot more time consuming than I first estimated. But we can't wait to see the end result.

Oh, I got my hair cut for summer. I'll get some pictures up if Matt ever pulls his nose out of his Biology book. It's A LOT shorter. And I got what's called a "shadow box" where my hair is pretty much black underneath and streaked in the bangs. It's really cute. A little punkish, but still preschool teacher appropriate :)

So I'm sitting at home waiting for my mechanic to call so I can go pick up my car. Normal people would be excited about this but I'm shaking because I'm about to drop this guy a check for an amount of money that I've never spent in one place before and my husband is gripping cuz he has to go to work in less than an hour, AND it's dark, which means I'll have to drive back from this place in the dark. (road anxiety/night blindness)

Wow. That was a long sentence.

These last couple of days have had their ups and downs. My internet was off for about four days, damn paypal, so I haven't updated. Today is Matt's last night on overnights and he starts school in a week. I'm surprised to say I'm sorry to see it go.

At first I hated Matt working overnight, and not for the reasons you may think. Most wives I talk to say they can't fall asleep if their husband isn't lying next to them. But I knew that would never be the case with Matt and I. During his off semester, he stays up till 3 or 4 in the morning on a regular basis. It never really bothered me much, except when I would wake up with an anxiety attack from time to time and he wasn't there. And I've lived alone long enough to not crave nightly companionship. But I did miss him kissing me goodnight before I turned out the light and he retired to the living room.

What I didn't like was how he was trying to adjust his schedule to sleeping in daylight and he was crabby and distant all the time. It was like having a cardboard cut out in place of him all the time.

On the plus side, his moodiness lasted only about a week, giving me a taste of my own monthly medicine. What's really nice is that when I wake up, he's been home for a few hours already and we have breakfast together. Usually, he's read the chapter I've edited the night before and we discuss it. Then I go off to work, and he tries to get some sleep. I try to be as quiet as I can during the day, but luckily he's not as light a sleeper as I am.

Most nights we get to have dinner together. Before we only had dinner two, maybe three nights a week if we were lucky. Now we eat two meals a day with each other!

And the temporary pay raise was nice too. We'll miss that. Money has been bugging me lately. I'm glad we're not in debt, but it feels like we can never get ahead. I see all these other couples who only go to school and live off their student loans and wonder how they do it. Sometimes I have little glimpses into their lives. I see them making the trip to shop at WinCo. I see them baking their own bread and never going out to eat, or out at all, for that matter. Renting movies from the library.

What do I do to save money? I've started borrowing books from friends, instead of ordering them online. I've gone back to generic deli meats. We go to the beauty school to get our haircuts. I mostly shop clearance racks when I splurge on clothes. Our Wal-Mart discount helps too.

There's more, I'm sure. But I should just be thankful I don't have to live off ramen noodles and snack wraps anymore.

I'm a Pisces. Can you tell?

So last Sunday the talks at church were all about talents and spiritual gifts and how important it is to find yours and nourish them. I'm still not really sure what my talents are, or what I'm good at, but here are some little hobbies I enjoy doing in my spare time. I think that is a good way to start.


Cooking:

I didn't discover this until after I was married, but I love trying new recipes and preparing meals. In the single life I didn't really have anyone to cook for, and was on the go so much my diet mostly consisted of can soups, frozen dinners, snack wraps, and what ever Kaye would graciously fix me.

Some of my favorite things to make are steak, chicken fried rice, chicken casadillas (I have no idea how to spell that. Spelling is definitely not one of my talents.) and cheese stuffed pasta shells.



Painting:

I haven't done this in a long time, but it's something I've always enjoyed. My mom got me into oil painting when I was home-schooled my freshman year. She signed me up for an oil painting class with a bunch of other weird home-school kids starving for social interaction.

Oil painting is really alot easier than it looks. It still takes talent, of course. But anyone can do it and make a few brush strokes look like a majestic pine tree. Mixing the colors and creating endless possibilities is really fun. I made a couple of really nice ones, but unfortunately, my mother reduced them to ashes in a fit of rage.

I painted a "fantasy" looking tree for matt a year or so ago, the first time he left me to go to school. Oil painting was something I'd like to get back into. But it is quite an expensive hobby.


Dance:

I started dance when I was four years old. My best friend was doing it so I begged my mom to let me take lessons with her. Within six months, she'd quit. But at that age I loved being in the spotlight, and I soaked up every ounce of it.

I've never really stopped dancing, but I'm missing it since I've stopped teaching. The closest thing I can find out here is a preschool gymnastics coaching job. I love going to work every morning, but being there with all the other gymnasts makes me a little intimidated sometimes. I just don't feel like I belong there.

So to fill the gap for the time being, I plan to take an Adult Ballet class over the summer. I hope dance is a big part of my life again someday.


Ghost Hunting:

I've never actually done anything like this, but I've had several experiences with the paranormal through out my life. Haunted places fascinate me and I love reading about other people's experiences I watch every single "ghost hunting" show that is currently on television. My husband has politely voiced that he thinks I have a problem :)


Writing:

I've published a few short stories, but right now I'm amidst the exciting process of editing my first full-blown novel.


Shopping:

Okay, this may seem superficial but I'm a big fan of retail therapy. I have fifteen pairs of shoes in my closet and at least six or seven different outfits for each one of them (mix and match, of course.) Like most girls, I love dressing myself, dressing my friends. Even shopping for groceries and laundry detergent is fun for me. You know that "Confessions of a Shopaholic" movie? I could so be that girl if I let myself slip out of control.

But I can't be to hard on myself. I hold onto things a loooong time. I still have jeans I wore in high school. And I don't by something I don't need or won't wear. Just ask my friends.


Reading:

I LOVE to read. It's probably my oldest hobby. Lately I've been mostly into fantasy. One of the best books I've ever read was "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. I was introduced to Orson Scott Card because of a school assignment in college and have been loyal to him ever since. I'm not a big fan of vampires but I really enjoy the author Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. She doesn't know it, but she's my inspiration and my role model.


Gardening:

I just started this one today! Matt got me a miniature indoor green house for my birthday so I could grow flowers inside the apartment. I'm really excited to see what kind of flowers will bloom. All day I've walked by it and stared at it, expecting to see buds peeking out of the soil within hours.

Also, the aroma of fresh soil is really refreshing!


So some of these hobbies could evolve someday into real, true talents. I hope so. It would be so fulfilling to have something like that to call my own. But what really defines a talent? What is a gift? How skilled at something do you have be to call it a talent?

I hope I find out.

Demon Battles, Peach Bottom Pants, And the Green Death

What a crazy weekend.

It all started when I stole away an hour on Friday to have lunch with Aubrey. I was complaining to her about my horribly tedious job that I am "so grateful for," when she, of all people, convinced me to just blow off my 9 hour shift on Saturday. Aubrey promised me a blissful day of sleeping in, shopping, dining, and quality girl time. Who can say no to that?

Instead of sleeping in, I went with Matt to the gaming convention and spent quality time with him rolling dice and battling orcs and demons. (I'll pause for your snickering laughter....done yet? Good.)

Laura, Aubrey's friend from Montana came to visit for the weekend, so I joined them on their shopping conquest. I'm not sure what is so therapeutic about swiping a credit card, and carrying around those heavy plastic bags all day, but I felt so refreshed at the end of the night. Aubrey just got her tax money and needed "professional" looking clothes to wear to her new internship. Laura and I shifted through all the racks, loaded up our arms with cute expensive things I would never dream of buying on a college students budget, and forced Aubrey in the dressing room. We blazed through the entire I.F. mall, and in six hours I only spent the amount Matt would spend on a video game. That's how I justified it to him, at least.

I made it home with a cute new outfit; a spring green wrap type top, milk chocolate wedge heels, and a pair of cream colored pants that shape my bum like a peach. Perhaps I could wear it to meet with a publisher someday?? One can only dream.

We had a nice girls night out dinner at Olive Garden where I met more of Aubrey's friends. These girls were really sweet. I didn't feel nervous or awkward around them at all. I ordered my favorite dish (which also happens to be the cheapest entree on the menu)and stuffed myself with bread sticks and salad. It just felt good to be a girl again.

I was exhausted (and stuffed) when I got home. But Matt was starving and since we "have nothing but soup" in the house, he wanted to go to Arby's.

Five minutes later, he was starring down into our car's greasy engine. It just quit. We pulled up to a stop sign and Sister Rosalina said, "Hey you know what? I'm done. Goodnight." Seriously! Just like that: the engine quit, without warning.

A half hour later, I'm back at the job I called into for the day, looking for a flashlight and car oil with number for a name I can't remember. A crabby, still hungry Matt, sits back on the side of the road, guarding our car.

Another half hour later, I'm back at Wal-Mart, fifteen minutes before they close. This time sitting on the floor of the automotive section with Aubrey and Laura, ripping open the packages of tow rope to see if they are sewn to the standards of Kenny, my on call 24 hour mechanic.

Kenny, Aubrey's husband,can speak to cars like people, and has saved our butts on numerous occasions. This being one of them. After working till midnight at his Wendy's job, he towed our car back to our apartment. He did a quick exam and decided it was either this thing he calls the timing belt, which is no big deal to fix. The other slight possibility is what I call the Green Death. Green Death is the worst possible situation. Either your wallet, or your car is inevitably going to die. But you get to decide which one lives!

After a conversation with my dad, who is not a mechanic but is fluent in their language, I believe it to be just a timing belt. However, from previous experience I have reason to believe my transmission will go out by the end of the summer, inflicting on my ten year old car the curse of the Green Death.

This might sound strange but I feel really good. Even through all this stress (Green Death + stuff I haven't written about) I can see how immensely blessed we are. In less than twenty four hours, I've had someone volunteer to tow and fix our car, I've had someone give us a car in the mean time, AND someone is going to hem my new peach bottom pants for me!

It is frustrating because every time we get a little ahead financially, the money slips right through our fingers. But what a blessing it is that these things; emergency plane tickets, car repairs, ect., happen when we have the money to pay for them. And we are so grateful for true friends and family who really step up in our times of need.

No matter what, this is going to be the beautiful, fun summer I've been waiting for. I can just tell :)

Finally, an easy breezy spring day.

I had a great day today. Nothing special happened. It was just a good day.

Matt came home just as I was getting up. I got to sleep in a little because Kira and Holly set up the gym last night. The kids were great today. I just love all their big smiles and the little owies they have to show me. Even the "fun" ones were a breeze today. It was one of those mornings I leave thinking, "I love my job."

I came home and took a long shower, then got to work on my project; which is so close to being finished. (happy face)

Then I updated my dance resume because there is a studio director in Idaho Falls who is looking for an assistant instructor and heard about me. But I don't really know anything about it yet, so I can't really say anything yet.

Then I crawled back into bed with Matt. Had a nice afternoon nap, then went to the store with Aubrey. We went back to her place and did our nails and gabbed about life. She really is the best listener I know. I always feel better when I spend time with Aubrey.

With a stomach full of my fav Chinese food, I am going to Yoga tonight, which will only make the day better.

Plus I have a new favorite song at the moment. Love Save The Empty. by Erin McCreedy. I think it's in that movie - He's Just Not That Into You. I never saw the movie but after my "perfect guy" broke up with me without an explanation I read the book in Barnes n' Nobles, highlighting the pages and sipping on a frappachino with triple extra whip cream.

Anyway, check it out. -The song. Or the book. For those of you out there who don't deserve to be brokenhearted.

Yoga Night

Thursday has officially been deemed yoga night. I went to a class last night with Aubrey and Mary Alice and it was really fun. A nice break from my daily routine. It wasn't easy by any means. Aside from relaxation the instructor was making us do push ups and encouraging us to crouch on the ground, holding our entire bodies up on the palms of our hands.

I wasn't really sore today, as I expected I would be, but after a long day at work I'm really feeling it.

I feel bad because I told Mary-Alice I would go swimming with her tonight. But I bailed because of exhaustion and guilt from not having a lot of time to work done this coming weekend.

But Yoga has officially been penciled in for Thursday nights.

Guilty Pleasure

Our taxes this year were virtually painless. When it comes to boring technical stuff like that Matthew and I have come to an accord. I will do the majority of cleaning, meal preparing, and child baring. In return he will do our taxes for the rest of our life.

Personally, I think I got the better end of the deal.


While he was on Turbo Tax I watched music videos. Usually I change the channel when skanky whores come on the screen. But I can't get enough of that song "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga.

When I hear it I put on sunglasses and start bouncing in the driver's seat or jumping on the bed. "Music makes me lose control." I just can't help myself.

Oh, and I guess it does help that the song was written about a certain artificially blonde roommate of mine. The exact lyrics were taken straight from her mouth.

Exhibit A:

"Where are my keys. I lost my phone."

"How'd I turn my shirt inside out?"

"I love this record but I can't see straight anymore."

"Halve sec hotic gotta burb it Halve sec hotic lec tronic."


It's great. I hear this song and think of all our fond memories together.
Just kidding. No I don't. That would ruin the song.

I feel better now.

I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Yes, the world is changing, but there isn't much I can do about it. So I should just count my blessings and make the best of things.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my opinions. I agree, the internet is no place to take out frustrations.

Do you ever wonder if you were born in the wrong time?

I haven't blogged in a while. All my creative energy as been absorbed in one thing at the moment, but also because there isn't much to blog about. We're both working all the time and we don't have a lot of money to do anything besides go to the cheap movies. Which I don't mind - but explain that one to me.

Life is just kinda blah.

I've been waiting for spring to come, now that I'm ready to come out of hibernation. Here in Rexburg we've been teased with a few days of light winds and temperatures above freezing. Even rain is a nice change. The snow has melted enough to see tiny patches of mud and grass, and the sidewalks are no longer a walking hazzard. The sun makes an appearance now and then, bringing the birds out to sing. At wal-mart they have their display of swimsuits and flip flops set up...any color of the rainbow you can imagine.

*sigh* And then we have days like this, where I look out the window and just want to crawl back into bed.

Also, I've been reminded lately that I am extremely old fashioned for someone my age. We are living in a .com world and I am a paper girl. Come on people! I grew up in the 90's. I was extremely lucky to have my own stereo in my room when I was 12. Now I know a handful of eight year olds who have cell phones. CELL PHONES!!!

And since when does everything have to be done on the internet? I now have two bills I am required to pay via keyboard. Not only do I have to "create an online account" but now I have more user ID numbers and passwords to remember. I gave a check to someone and he actually refused it! He said I had to pay the bill over the internet! What crap is that!

Here are some things this old fashioned girl believes in and holds dear:

I believe in the days when if you wanted to talk to someone, you picked up a phone.

I believe in the days when you called a company, another human being was on the other end.

I believe in the days when there was no such thing as a "palooza."

I believe in the days when going out dancing meant performing steps in time with your partner in a spectacular fashion, not waving your nasty butt in the air like a cat in heat.

I believe in the days when people got engaged, AND MARRIED, before they decided to have kids.

I believe in the days when parents disciplined their obnoxious children.

I believe in the days when - if a boy wore make up, he was gay.

I believe in the days when Communism was a bad thing.

I believe in the days when overly opinionated idiots didn't rule the internet.

I believe in the days when people didn't judge what kind of person I am by my myspace profile.

Either way you look at it.

While we were in St. Louis we got the one disk in the galaxy that could have possibly saved our computer. Matt fiddled with it last night, and the good news is, our computer is running like new again!

The bad news is....our computer is running like new again. Apparently the hard drive crashed somehow and EVERYTHING was erased. Luckily, I found those two missing important files on his thumb-drive, and we have most of our pictures on a memory card. But all our questionably downloaded movies, mission pictures, school work, resumes, and tax information was lost.

It kinda feels like we had a fire and all of our valuables were burned. But I am extremely proud of the way Matt has handled it. I think after a nearly month he is just happy to be able to play his games again.

*sigh* I will miss him....

Diffalos eat strawberry pie on their birthday.

Ten years ago, I was 14.

Another birthday has come and gone. This worries me. But nowadays, everything worries me. Each year, I'm expected to become a little more accountable. Each year, I have to put something childish behind me. This year, it will be camouflage pants, tank tops with cartoon characters on them, and fart jokes. Burps are still funny though. When done appropriately, of coarse.

All in all, it was an awesome day. It began with a call of well wishes from my dad, which is always nice. My husband surprised me with breakfast. Since we've been married we haven't bought a muffin tin. While I keep saying we need to pick one up we never do. We'll that morning he surprised me with one, along with a six month supply of muffin mix. For those of you that don't know me, it's not that hard to please me. One of my good qualities, I guess.

Later that night, I opened up three seasons of "The Office" - ironically, a show I hated two years ago. And I've barely gotten any work done since. I didn't really want anything for my birthday except a new purse, which was supplied by my mom, so I didn't give Matt much to work with. He remembered me saying once that flowers were always a nice touch. So what did he do? He went out and bought me a "little greenhouse" so I can grow my own flowers in the house. He picked out some psychedelic looking flowers. I'm going to name my garden Wonderland :)

The day itself was very low key, like I wanted it. We went to church in the morning, and that night had a spectacular dinner with Bill and Aubrey. It's funny, my whole weekend was filled with her. In the span of one weekend, we went out to dinner, played racket ball, and had a girl's movie night. She made me this card which consists of a piece of poster board and everything is written out in candy bars.

I would have taken a picture of it, but....it didn't last long.

a light at the end of the tunnel

At this particular moment in time, I am excited for a lot of things....

First of all, I FINALLY found a substitute to teach my preschool classes so I can go on a little vacation to see my family. Tomorrow Matt and I are catching another plane to St. Louis to visit for reasons besides a funeral. It's been really exciting these last couple of weeks, making plans with my inlaws, my friends, and my parents.

All my mom has talked about for the last week is this extravagant dinner with both of our families. I'm really happy she's getting back into entertaining, because it's something she's always loved to do, but I snicker every time I try to imagine the Reicholds and the Roberts and all those kids under one roof! I'm not sure she knows what she's getting herself into.

My sisters are also looking forward to our visit, mostly because they haven't seen Matt since the wedding festivities. Nothing makes me happier to see that they have accepted him as one of their own. They really look up to him like the older brother we never had. And he's so patient with them! Some times he even has to say to me, "I think you're being a little hard on them." Seeing him with them makes me believe he will be the best father my children could have.

Also very recently, I've been able to brush the end of a long term goal with my outstretched fingertips. I don't like to talk about it much, but since the middle of college I've been trying to write a book. It's taken me nearly three years. (two of them in the midst of going to school and working full time) In the last month I've been honing in on the last quarter of the manuscript. I decided to type up and outline just to see how much more I had to do. I was amazed to discover I would most likely be done by the end of April. It would also take me about a month and a half to go over every word with a fine tooth comb.

Why am I doing this? What do I want out of all this?

I don't know exactly.

Story and poetry writing is something I've always dabbled with in my spare time. I even completed a poetry book for my last project in college. But it's so personal I'm really apprehensive about submitting it for any kind of publication. But this book idea has been in my head since I was a teenager, and I just feel like it's something I need to do to complete the person I want to become.

I want to feel that giddy surge of accomplishment every time I finish a chapter, only a hundred times magnified. I want who ever ends up reading it to enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I would LOVE to walk into a book store one day and see my stories on the shelf.

But don't like to get ahead of myself. I just want to write at take all that other hoopla one step at a time.

Random things you may or may not know.

1. I've been busy. I work at Wal-Mart (it's okay for now) I work as a preschool gymnastics coach. (Best, and most tiresome, job ever) and I work from home on my computer.

2. I'm not much of a people person. I have a small group of friends whom I care about deeply, but for the most part I like to spend time alone. Quality over quantity. Learned that the hard way.

3. One of the reasons I like to be alone is because I always have this urge to be productive in my free time. Even right now I feel guilty spending time on facebook. Which is why I'm the world's worst blog keeper.

4. I watch Marie Antoniette about once a month. It's not the best movie ever, but I connect with it somehow.

5. I cook cheese ravioli for dinner about once a week.

6. I already have a patch of grey hair. And I'm fascinated by it. I catch myself just staring at it in the mirror.

7. I often get in trouble for correcting people's grammar.

8. Anxiety attacks wake me up at night several times a week.

9. I studied Ballet and Jazz for most of my natural life. I fell in love with my husband swing dancing.

10. I love to cook. And I'm good at it! Although any bloke can follow a recipe.

11. I think my favorite actor is Samuel L. Jackson. He sends the fear into me.

12. My favorite author is Ameila Atwater-Rhodes. Although she's been kinda weird lately....

13. I cringe anytime I hear someone praise "twilight."

14. After high school, I spent my summers traveling to Orlando, D.C., New York, Paris, Niece, Monaco, Monte Carlo, Italy, London, Rome, Barcelona, ect. I was lucky to visit Oxford U where Alice in Wonderland was written, and where Harry Potter was filmed.

15. I hate to drive. But I love to take the boat out with my dad.

16. I'm a daddy's girl, through and through. But my mom is really fun to.

17. I grew up in 10 acres and my closest neighbors were a herd of cows. I spend A Lot of time as a kid playing by the lake and deep in the woods. If you know me, this explains alot.

18. I LOVE pajammas and bubble baths.

19. Drawing and sketching is a talent I wish I had. I've given it a shot. But no magic happens.

20. I wish I could sing too. Sometimes I do. When I'm sure I'm alone.

21. I can't WAIT until I get a dog. We want a dog like most couples want babies. If we can't get pregnant we will by a house with a big yard and have lots of dogs.

22. I am here in Rexburg because I am supporting my husbands dream of going to school and working with animals. He supports my unobtainable dreams just as much.

23. This is my favorite number. I don't know why, it just fits.

24. I'm really interested in paranormal experiences and have done alot of research on evil spirits.

25. Wow. There is alot more I could share. But one big thing people probably don't know about me is that I'm a huge nerd. I love comic books and RPG's, and anime. I have wasted a small fortune on the hobby.

If you're still reading, Thanx! ;)