I Love My Husband

Sleeping In

The good thing about having a small apartment, is it doesn't take long to clean. I can have the kitchen and bathroom spotless in a little over an hour. Last night I had planned to wake up early, clean the apartment and surprise Matthew with breakfast. But my alarm went off and I thought, Oh, ten more minutes. And that turned into three hours.

The morning was nearly gone when I regained consciousness, but I decided to cuddle in bed another half an hour. The bedroom was just so peaceful, it hadn't seen the sun in days, and I thought 'Why get out of bed when there's really nothing to do?' I know things won't be this laid back forever, and I just wanted to enjoy it.

But there was plenty to do, and now my morning was gone. I rushed around the apartment scrubbing the tub and polishing the mirror. Once Matt got up I drug him out to go run errands with me. The first stop on our agenda was to get our hair cut. We like to go to the beauty school in an attempt to help out someone else and be thrifty. They usually do a good job but all the students there are a little quirky.

Take today for instance. This girl was so nervous it took her fourty five minutes just to cut my hair! She would make one snip, and then comb the strand three or twelve times. I think she moved the clips around in my hair more than she actually cut it.

It turned out okay. I'm trying to grow it out so I just got a trim. But I just giggle every time I think about it. Fourty five minutes! Poor girl.

It was late afternoon by the time we got home from the grocery store. I made stir fry for dinner because it's fun and easy. Tonight we went to see the new 007 movie. I'm not much of a Bond fan but I really like that older lady that scolds him and bosses everyone around. She's the real love of his life. All the women Bond gets and he will never love them more than her.

So it's been a day. I'm gonna go take a bath.

Here it goes....

For some reason, I woke up this morning just itching to get out of the house. And although three hours with preschoolers is absolutely thrilling, I needed just a little something more.

So I called up my friend Aubrey. Haven't gone out with her in awhile and I really like spending time with her. She's just one of those genuine people, you know? She doesn't let the small stuff ever get her down and is probably the easiest person to talk too. She's just got that positive vibe that rubs off on you and I need that as much as possible in my life. That's one reason I married Matt. He's the rainbow in my thunderstorm....

Haha! ....and the award for the gooiest, cheesiest line goes too.................

But seriously, she's not all kittens and rainbows either. Aubrey's not the kind of friend that will just agree with every opinion I spit out. It's really kinda funny how she politely and discreetly mentions that she sees things a different way.

Sowe made plans but then I was like, okay, what is there to do in Rexburg?

Matt and I have saved up a little money that is burning a whole in my pocket. I haven't been shopping for clothes in MONTHS and I'm starting to shake every time I pass a store. So naturally my first instinct was shopping. BUT that is plane ticket money and a new dress is not worth sabotaging my marriage.

So we settled for a dinner out and a movie instead. It was during dinner that I realized I haven't been out with a friend in a while because I had such a good time just talking to another human being besides my husband. I'll be the first to admit that I've been a bit anti-social for the last month or so. But gabbing with Aubrey was really nice. I got to hear about the recent change in her plans and gossip about married stuff. I found myself opening up about things that have been bothering me lately and that I haven't felt compelled to confess to anyone. You "guys" just don't know, it's so good to have "girl time."

...............Okay, now get ready for this..........

I finally saw "Twilight." I'm surprised to say I enjoyed it, but not surprised to say I liked it a lot more than the book. Of course I found myself laughing at parts I don't think I was suppose too, and I was still annoyed at Bella's naive teenager nature, but all in all it wasn't bad.

When people ask if I like the book series and I say no they retort with, "Well, it's a fantasy book and I guess you just don't understand that. It's not your thing."

(clenches teeth) No. Believe me. I understand fantasy. I eat sleep and breath fantasy. But I've already lived that "fantasy." You see, I dated "Edward Cullen." The tall, fair skinned, painfully handsome "Edward Cullen." He had his alluring secrets, his mysteriousness, and his sports car. He was different from all the other boys and animalistically protective of me. My parents were wary of him. His friends told me he was "dangerous" and no good for me. But his emotional scars and accidental faults made me unconditionally in love with him.

I promise to stop using "qoutations" now.

But this little fantasy went on too long. Years too long. And in a backwards way he warped my mind and broke my heart. When I left he kept a very close eye on me. Ultimately he never let me go, and came this close to hurting the person I was really meant to spend that utopian forever with.

So now I can't help but cringe when I see more stupid girls fall into that same false sense of love. But they can't help it, I know.

That's probably the biggest problem I have with the twilight story. And it bothers me because I've worked soooo hard not to write my story with artificial syrupy romance. Not to say there is no fluff, it's just subtle. I went for more action and conflict. But if that's what people like to read, then I guess I just can't cut it.

This has bothered me for quite a while. And I haven't really told anyone. Except Aubrey.

But hey - I'm okay. This was not meant to be a depressing post. I appreciate them but it is not nessicary to post "Hey, hang in there," comments.

Thanks :)

As usual, my anxiety proved to be useless.

Once I was home, it was like I'd never left. Besides funeral stuff, and a movie, we didn't really do anything. I actually stayed in bed all day from the flu the last day I was there. But just spending time together was enough to show my mom that the changes I've made have been for the better. Honestly it was the first time in years I've felt like I can just talk with her.

I don't know what happened! But the life was back in her! You could see it in her eyes, the ten pounds she's gained, and hear it in her voice. When I wasn't doing evil things to her toilet we were talking about birth control (!!!) and she was giving me make-up tips. And she was gushing about the vacation she's taking this week with her sister.

I was completely beside myself.

So those days flew by, faster than the actual twelve hour trip it took to get there. I came home not knowing what to expect......walking in I covered my eyes just to prepare myself for the devastation that inevitably lay before me.

Seriously, what a bitch am I? I should have way more faith in my husband. And I do. The Theraflu was just messing with my judgment.

Truth be told, the apartment was spotless. Dishes done, bed made, CLOTHES OFF THE FLOOR!!! There was even a little sign on our board welcoming me home. *********

So what have I learned? It's okay to have two homes-or three. I love my mom, and I love my husband.

Not that it was ever in question ;)

This post will be titled:

"How did all this laundry get here and how and I going to get it all done!?"

Seriously, there is only two of us.

But I'm back from my trip, which went better than I could have ever imagined (if you can imagine) and all the clothes in my suitcase smell like smoke. So I have to get this laundry done before I do anything. But I promise to produce a quality one before my head hits the pillow. Oh, there are so many constructive things I could be doing besides blogging, but I do love a good rant.

Tata for now...

traveling anxieties

So in a few hours, I am off to St. Louis to tend to some family affairs. It will be a long journey, as any journey out of Idaho. But after a four hour bus ride and two flights, on top of weather conditions, we'll see how I feel.

Of course, I'm grateful beyond words that I get to go home and spend time with my family. My mother needs me right now, and I can't wait to get back in touch with my sisters. I'll get to send some time with my in-laws too. And there is a piece of me that won't be whole again until I get to see my dad. Although 2,000 miles isn't nearly wide enough to break the bond we share.

All of this and I'm still shaking with nerves at the thought of going home again. No matter how much I love my mother, I can not deny that she is a crazy person. I am dreading our initial meeting because if I show up too fat, she will ask if I'm pregnant. If I show up too skinny, she will think my husband isn't taking care of me. (P.S> there is no middle ground. Inevitably, I will be one or the other.) I've packed all my best outfits because otherwise she is going to assume the mormons have burned all my clothes in a satanic ritual bonfire. And I'll be wearing enough makeup to make a french whore jealous.

As much as I love her, I'm terrified to be alone in the same room with her for fear of my fragile self-esteem. I wish Matt was coming with me. He always knows what to say, and he's always that perfect buffer. I can't believe I'm fretting about this, but after all this time together I can't fathom spending five days away from him.

Today I did everything I could to make sure he would be alright while I was away. I stocked up on groceries, deposited the paychecks, did the laundry and cleaned the apartment. I just hope I don't come home to find the apartment in filth with Matt rocking in the fetal position in his underwear spouting proudly, "I cut my own hair!"

But I'm sure it will be fine. I have to finish packing.

Comming Attractions

I plan to add like three new posts today....as soon as Cinderella gets done with all her chores.

So stay tuned!