I miss my husband.

When my meltdown began, I really thought my blogging hiatus would last longer than a week. But I just don't have time to sit and feel sorry for myself. After a while I get sick of living with my own envy, and it takes too much energy to hate everything anyway.

I'd like to apologize if my last blog seemed harsh or if you were offended by my accusations. I know everyone has hard times in their life, and no one's circumstances fall exactly into place. But it sure seems that way to an outsider's eyes. I see couples strolling leisurely down the sidewalk, picking out dinner at the grocery store, and buying real furniture on a Saturday afternoon when they've never worked a day in their life. I can't remember the last time I lumped Friday, Saturday, and Sunday together into a "weekend." It drives my hatred even further when people say, "Have a great weekend!" The weekends mean nothing to us...

I've realized that Matt and I spent more time together when we were dating. Even in college when I worked eleven hour days I would stop by his house around nine and spend a couple hours with him. But now, by the time he strolls in at 11:30 I'm already in bed, so I can be up bright and early for the next day. There have been several occasions when we actually pass each other on the stairs. During the first part of the semester, he wasn't suppose to work Wednesdays or Sundays, but Wal-Mart doesn't give a crap about study groups or family time I guess.

Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a very independent person. I'm not like those wives that has to eat with their husband every night and can't fall asleep without him. No offense, that stuff just doesn't faze me. I lived on my own and alone for quite sometime before he came along. But I got married so I wouldn't HAVE to be alone anymore.

This semester is just crazy I guess. Matt's going to school and putting in the same amount of hours when he wasn't in school, and I've increased my hours at both jobs as well. So we have "all the money in the world" but no time.

I am completely happy with the 2 out of the 3 aspects of my life. I truly believe I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He's wonderful. He even helps me out around the house and never complains about the long hours he puts in. I adore my humble one bedroom abode. I think it's just perfect for the two of us. But for reasons I don't really want to share, I hate one of my jobs. So much I get depressed when I spend a full day there. I get even more depressed when I see or read about my peers who are doing just as well as us financially, if not better, who don't work, or only put in 10 -15 hours a week. I just don't understand how they do it. During my fits of jealous stewing I've gone over the math a hundred times and it never comes out right! I wish I knew their magical secrets. Because I hate my job and I miss my husband...

A few people have suggested that I just quit Wal-Mart since it doesn't make me happy anyway, but I know that's just not smart. I do envy those who have time to just do whatever they want all day, but I could never sit back and watch Matt bust himself to support my lazy butt. It would be different if I was in school too, or if we had children, but that is not the case. It's not fair for me too work only 10 hours a week at the gym while I could help out the family so much more. Besides, I could quit Wal-Mart, but that wouldn't free up my hubby's time, now would it? What fun are weekends if he's not around? Unfortunately, what you want isn't always right and what's right most of the time isn't what you want :P

Currently, I am trying to construct my own little "plan of happiness" that consists of coaching preschoolers, spending more time with my husband, and no Wal-Mart. But even if I come up with one, it can't go into effect until September. There may be a bit more complaining on here until then. Especially since they are already showing previews for new moon movie and I will have to brace myself for round two of the twi-tard tsunami.

But I think complaining is okay once in a while. We need a few thunderstorms to balance out all the sunshine rainbows and crap that floats around my blog circle ;)