Just trying to stay awake.

I'm sorry if my last couple of blogs have been nothing but downers. I'm really trying not to be so negative anymore. But that's what things are like here right now. The last week has been a gruesome waiting game, a CW drama, and an emotional roller coaster.

The short version is....

Matt and I made it here on time.  PLENTY of time. It's about 3am sunday morning and she's showed no changes since about three days ago. We thought she was going once, and we all rushed to her bedside, but after awhile, she stopped thrashing, moaning, and sweating, and started breathing normally again. And that's what the last 3 days have been like. We don't leave this house. Her friends do our laundry and bring us food. (I have a lot of paying forward to do later.) We just wait. Every time she takes and exasperated breathe, we hold ours until her bony chest rises and falls again. Every time she lets out a frustrated cry we rush into the room. We know she can hear us, we just can't figure her out.

All of this has started to take its toll on each of Gail's children, but most important to me, Matthew. Finally, tonight one of Gail's friends kicked us out of the house so we went to the mall for a few hours just to be outside. At that point I realized I've been here a week and haven't seen anything of Houston! It was great. But when we got back, the day nurse, who was supposed to be relieved an hour and a half earlier, had to leave. The night nurse has never showed up, so we are fending for our own. No one will get a lot of sleep tonight.

Around 1am Matt and  I took a walk and had a long heart2heart about everything. On top of his mother dying there is a bit of drama floating around and I just needed to talk to someone to sort things out. I think I needed to talk just as much as he did. I feel like I haven't been alone with him in a week! That is hard...we are newlyweds and all.

But I'm not complaining. Lots of good things have come out of this too. His family has gotten to know me better and I'll say we've bonded pretty well. You don't get much closer than this. 

I just want some closure to this soon. Matthew is very strong, as well as his siblings, but he's struggling to stay strong through this and it's breaking my heart. This is not how I pictured my marriage three months into it, but I love him. I would do just about anything for him. And I know this is not the hardest thing we will have to endure together. 

After this, bring it.